Review: The Housemaid is Watching

The Housemaid is Watching by Freida McFadden
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Quite a difference pacing and time skip from the other two books of the trilogy. Millie is now a proper housewife and mother of two and the threat level of the book did went down. I feel the author have improved her prose from the first book, especially in the first half of the book. It seems more polished and finished now. To me, The Housemaid's Secret was bit of a letter down from the first one, but this book surpasses both of them. Middle book syndrome in action, perhaps.

lso, the book can be read without reading the earlier books as a standalone. While it is indeed the same formaltic thriller as the first two, Millie while being the first person narrator for almost 80% of the book is not really a doer. In style and structure the book is closer to the orginal book.

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Review: Ras Bhang

Ras Bhang by Akshaya Bahibala
My rating: 2 of 5 stars


ये किताब बहुत कुछ करना चाहती है, लेकिन अंततः असफल रहती है। आत्मकथा, यात्रावृत, सामाजिक चित्रण एवम् ऐतिहासिक-चिकित्सीय-वैधानिक लेख, सब कुछ समेटने का प्रयास है। इसमें मेरी माने तो केवल पहला ही हिस्सा रोचक था। शोध उतना कुछ खास नहीं है। पढ़ने के बाद ये भी प्रतीत होता है की लेखक उड़िया होने के बावजूद भी काफ़ी हद तक स्थानीय प्रथाओं स्थानीय परंपराओं को एक बाहरी दृष्टि से देखता है। मैंने सोचा था ये मूल रूप से उड़िया में लिखी किताब का अनुवाद है। लेकिन असल में Bhang Journeys: Stories, Histories, Trips and Travels मूल किताब है जिसका अनुवाद Vyalok
ने किया है। भाषा बहुत सहज है और मालूम नहीं होता कि इसका अनुवाद अंग्रेज़ी से हुआ है । Abhishek Shukla की Deep Work और M.L. Parihar की Jaat-Paant Ka Vinash (जात-पांत का विनाश) दोनों में साफ़ पता चलता है, पर यहाँ ऐसा नहीं है। यद्यपि किताब उतनी खास नहीं है, फिर भी आधुनिक हिंदी अनुवाद के एक नमूने के तौर पर इसके लिए विशेष स्थान है।




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Fifteen Minutes from China Gate: Colonial Memory and Cold War Mythmaking

 This motion picture is dedicated to France. More than 300 years ago, French missionaries were sent to Indochina to teach love of God and love of fellow man. Gradually, French influence took shape in the Vietnamese land. Despite many hardships, they advanced their way of living, and the thriving nation became the rice bowl of Asia. Vast riches were developed under French guidance until 1941, when Japanese troops moved in and made the rice bowl red with the blood of the defenders. In 1945, when the Japanese surrender was announced, a Moscow-trained Indo-Chinese revolutionist who called himself Ho Chi Minh began the drive to make his own country another target for Chinese Communists. Headquartered in the North, he called the new party Viet Minh. With the end of the Korean War, France was left alone to hold the hottest front in the world and became the barrier between communism and the rape of Asia. Members of the Foreign Legion imported from North Africa fought valiantly under the French flag, but the ammunition pipeline from Moscow could not be found. Bombs and shells made in Russia were stocked in secret tunnels along the mountain range of the China Gate. This arsenal was winning the war for the Communists.

These are the opening lines of the narrator in China Gate (1957). This is not an ironic suffering from white man syndrome narrator, but an actual dedication of the film. Truth be told, I had no intention of watching western pro imperial cold war propaganda a day before my NBHM interview (and in case I only watched the first 15 minutes, for DD keeps scolding me to go back to studying for the interview, she is out on lunch when I am typing it), I was trying to watch the Bollywood China Gate (1998)but me being me made an mistake and this happened. Not the first time I made such a mistake, it happened before with The Flight of the Emperor. 

Whatever the circumstances, the black and white film has declared the White colonists to be perfectly white in their actions in Viet Nam. It was perhaps not enough, the director Samuel Fuller writes in his book, which WP paraphrases as: 

Before China Gate was to be released, Fuller received a call from Romain Gary, the French Consul-General in Los Angeles, inviting him to lunch. Gary said the film's prologue was too harsh towards France and asked Fuller to change it. Fuller refused, but the two became firm friends with similar interests. The film was never released in France. 

Even this level of praising France for allegedly advancing the locals' "way of living " is seen as too harsh. I don't know how to make it seem better to colonial sympathisers, but they did think it had to be. This is the level of propaganda in the 'first world' just a few decades before, and people will call Dhurandhar 2 as propaganda. 

In the little I watched, one thing is clear, the filmmakers are not racists. In fact, academic consensus seems to be these types of war films actually were pioneers in racial unity by pitting Americans as a whole against 'the enemy' or 'the Reds'. In fact, a paper goes on to say:

One thing that did adhere to Fuller’s career in its entirety was a persistent interest in race and racism in the US. Issues of racism against Asians, Asian-Americans and African Americans are brought to the fore in films like The Steel Helmet, China Gate, The Crimson Kimono, Shock Corridor and White Dog, not to mention his script for The Klansman (1974); against Native Americans in Run of the Arrow; and against Jews in the invocations of the Holocaust in Verboten! and The Big Red One.

Still, I found one of the opening scenes to be a bit problematic.  The narrator notes the lack of food in a southern hamlet isolated by the freedom fighters of the Viet Cong. All animals are being eaten up, save for a puppy named Pierre, hidden by a boy we later learn is a main character. 

A man finds the puppy sticking out from the child's clothes and chases him with a knife with hunger in his eyes. Whether it was an attack on dog meat consumption of the Vietnamese people or just a way to show the extent of hunger that an animal so dear to American sensibilities can be eaten is not clear. But I will have to lean towards the latter now that I have read the academic consensus. It will make sense, as The Making of Global International Relations: Origins and Evolution of IR at its Centenary notes that WW2 was just a victory against so-called scientific racism. Another example, 'his only cross to bear is that of eyes' referring to a part Asian child, is maybe just dated language rather than racism, when the film actually does challenge the discrimination against asian americans, as a review notes about the mother of the child:

Lucky Legs occupies the center of Fuller’s preposterous sex fantasy / melodramatic tangle. She has a son by (who else) Sgt. Brock, the ex-husband who abandoned her the moment he saw his child’s Chinese features. Brock is not bothered that Lucky Legs (this is really buried in context) is a prostitute and party girl — but gets freaked out by the thought of having a bi-racial child.

Clearly at attack on the still persisting double game of American morality. Anyway, writing more would not be fair game at this stage, and I will return and complete the review later after finishing.

On Nuclear Apartheid, First Reactions on Iran vs US and Co and a conditional Iran Zindabad

 I was in a state between panicking over the Operator Theory exam tommorow and imposter-syndroming cum fleeing over CSIR NET and NBHM results this morning when I came across this tweet:

BREAKING: State of Israel launches a preemptive strike against Iran; Defense Minister Israel Katz declares a special and immediate state of emergency across the entire country. - Statement

— Faytuks Network (@FaytuksNetwork) February 28, 2026

This no name handle broke to me the news of war which have since spiraled into a full regional conflict with Uncle Sam involved. Modi just came back from Israel when they stokes Iran. Deals would have been made and given the lack of commendations yet, I assume it have been a green light from our side. I know that Saam, daam, dand, bhed all are fair and I do congratulate the Indian government for painting that. Still this makes my blood boil. Wrap and wrap it all you want in layers of protests and civil rights, the main issue is the imposition of the Nuclear Appertheid. The haves have decided Revolutionary Iran is no good and must be denied the benefit for such power. India have espaced from the clutches of this Appertheid but have never supported others in doing so. Realism over idealism is my personal motto too, the government have no business standing for a nuclear Iran, but I as a private citizen can. All this comes in background of this tweet from Oman's monsiter today itself:

I met Vice President JD Vance today and shared details of the ongoing negotiation between the United States and Iran and the progress achieved so far. I am grateful for their engagement and look forward to further and decisive progress in the coming days. Peace is within our… pic.twitter.com/fMHxWV0jgl

— Badr Albusaidi - بدر البوسعيدي (@badralbusaidi) February 27, 2026

Never trust the western governments. In a rare moment UK seems to be keeping it's promise of partial (it will still be on a 99 year lease) decolonozation of Chagos Islands this time. Despite having a bit of complicated relationship with Indian Goverment, Ro Khanna have taken a principled stand.

Trump has launched an illegal regime change war in Iran with American lives at risk. Congress must convene on Monday to vote on @RepThomasMassie & my WPR to stop this. Every member of Congress should go on record this weekend on how they will vote. pic.twitter.com/tlRi3Vz849

— Ro Khanna (@RoKhanna) February 28, 2026

Where it is purely on technical US Congress vs Presidential Powers debate or more fundemental US have no business here remains to be seen. I haven't seen any Pro Iran stance by any government save for Russia, which have been driven into a Pariah status itself and is ironically doing much worse to Ukraine than is happening in Iran. The next closest seems to be the Indonesian offer of mediation. The grifter and self styled Shah in exile is once again back to his grifting. One may, and I most certainly, have problems with domestic policies of Iran but this is not way to treat of sovereign nation. This is just the regular bullying of Global South. So just for today, Iran Zindabad. One can do nothing, I will just plug in Iran's powerful statment knowing that the worst case that Irani administration is replaced by some western puppet is not really a fantasy at this point. 

Statement of the Ministry of Foreign Affairs of the Islamic Republic of Iran
Regarding the military aggression by the Zionist regime and the United States against #Iran

Heroic and noble people of Iran,
Iranian compatriots,

Our sacred and beloved homeland, proud and…

— Aditya Raj Kaul (@AdityaRajKaul) February 28, 2026

सब सेट है, पर ठीक नहीं — पंद्रहवीं रैंक का इवान्

 हाल में ही CSIR Net का Result निकला। देश भर में रैंक 15 है। ख्याल था कि लेक्चरशिप का कटऑफ होगा, और असल में 15 रैंक है।

न उम्मीद थी, न कुछ और। कैसे हुआ, ये भी पता नहीं। यह तीसरी दफ़ा थी जब इस इम्तिहान का फॉर्म भरा था। पहली बार 2024 में था। उस समय तो पोस्टपोन हो गया था, NTA में चीटिंग वगैरह का कुछ मामला था। उस समय थोड़ी-बहुत तैयारी की थी, लेकिन सेंटर नोएडा में आया था। जब एग्जाम हुआ तो मेरी छुट्टियाँ खत्म हो गई थीं और मैं इधर ओडिशा में था, इसलिए दे नहीं पाया। उसके बाद दिसंबर 2024 में बाय-लॉज़ में कुछ बदलाव किए गए, जिससे हम लोग एलिजिबल ही नहीं रहे, तो फिर नहीं दे पाया। फिर गर्मी 2025 में दिया, कुछ नंबर से लेक्चरशिप रह गई। फिर अब दिया। तैयारी तो नहीं की थी। सिलेबस का तो अभी तक मुझे ज्ञान ही नहीं हुआ है। हफ्ते भर पहले तक CAM में था, फिर आकर एक शादी में गया था। कब ही पढ़ता? और वैसे भी न पढ़ने की इच्छा थी, न इस बार देने की। DD ने करीब-करीब ब्लैकमेल करके ही फॉर्म भरवाया था।  लोग मानते नहीं, सोचते हैं अकड़ रहा हूँ। मुँह पर तो कोई बोल नहीं पाता, लेकिन सोचना लाज़िमी है। अब खैर, ये कि DJ Khalid का Suffering From Success है। मज़ाक अपनी जगह, सच में मैंने कुछ नहीं पढ़ा था। हाँ, 3 दिन, और सिर्फ 3 दिन, DD के साथ पेपर बनाने बैठा था, लेकिन फिर मनमुटाव से, समय मैच न होने से और ऐसे ही कुछ मन की बातों से वह टूट गया। उसका नहीं हुआ। 0.4 से लेक्चरशिप रह गई। किस्मत की ही तो बात है, बहुत हद तक। कभी-कभी लगता है कि Fresh Off the Boat खत्म कर दिया, बहुत अच्छा लगा, अब किताब भी पढ़ूँगा कि मैं एडी हुआंग जैसा हूँ। उसके SAT में ऐसे ही बिना पढ़े 1600 आ गए थे। बचपन से ही वह स्कूल में भी बिना पढ़े कर लेता था। उसका सबसे छोटा भाई इवान् इस बात से चिढ़ जाता है कि उसके लिए कितना आसान है और जीवन कितना अन्यायपूर्ण है। डायलॉग ही देख लेते हैं:

Evan: You're both naturals, and I'm a sucker who has to put in the work.
Eddie: Dude, you're a straight-A student. Who cares?
Evan: I care because I have to earn it. You guys just wake up and it's there.

मेरे जीवन में कोई इवान् नहीं, तो मेरी अंतर्चेतना ही इवान् बन बैठी है। मुझसे पूछती रहती है। पाठक सोचेगा कि क्यों बड़बड़ा रहा है ये, इसका तो सब सेट है। हाँ, शायद सेट है, लेकिन सही नहीं लग रहा। शायद इसी भावना को लेकर पाश्चात्य में “प्रिविलेज” को लेकर इतना खेल होता है। अभी Crazy Ex-Girlfriend (यह भी अच्छा था, पूरा देख लिया, मानसिक स्वास्थ्य का संदेश देने वाला सिटकॉम है) देख रहा था। उसमें भी एक एपिसोड में नाथेनियल प्लिम्प्टन तृतीय को ऐसी चीज़ का एहसास होता है और फिर वह इस बारे में बोलता ही जाता है। क्या मैं भी उसकी तरह हूँ?

लेकिन सब कुछ भी तो नहीं मिला। श्यामा प्रसाद मुखर्जी फ़ेलोशिप लगती है कि मिल सकती है, लेकिन 15 रैंक आकर भी नहीं मिलेगी, क्योंकि जनरल में पहले 14 ही लोगों को बुलाते हैं। चलो, सब तो सही नहीं है। और हाँ, एग्ज़ाम आ रहे हैं। पहले भी लिखा था, जिसमें ऑपरेटर थ्योरी का कुछ अता-पता नहीं था, आज भी स्थिति बदली नहीं है।

 बरहामपुर वाले में चयन हो गया वैसे। GATE में आजकल AI से उत्तर मिला सकते हैं, उसका भी देखकर लग रहा है कि शायद 100 के अंदर रैंक आएगी। और लोगों की मानें तो 25 के अंदर। पहले एक बार निकल गया था, 616 रैंक। लेकिन मुझे एहसास ही नहीं कि यह अच्छा है या खराब। इन सबकी सभ्यता से अलग ही हो गया हूँ मैं। इंजीनियरिंग करनी तो थी नहीं मुझे, लेकिन JEE कल्चर से बहुत हद तक जुड़ा हुआ था मैं। Kota Factory
 भी देखी थी। पहला शो था मेरा, और उस समय सोचा था यही है। 

खैर, ये बात तो पुरानी है। फिलहाल इस हफ्ते के एग्ज़ाम के लिए ही पढ़ना चाहिए मुझे, कम से कम कोशिश तो करें।

Departmental Picnics, Operator Algebras and why Calrson wins over Calculus at this stage

 Next week will hopefully be the last mid sems of my life, soon after will be the last end sems and in the months following that will be my Comprehensive exams, marking the end of my exam-taking career. This looks so exciting, much life before the class 12 boards, which marked the end of my school career, but exactly like the last time my mind has raced ahead and my motivation to study for these exams is zero. Haven't yet even tried to open the textbooks. I usually spend my time reading for my research or for pleasure these days. Some Wizards of Waverly Place thrown in between, or recommendation (see balckmal) of DD, for good measure.

This is just as the post exam phrase I had previously described. Mind is a poet, and as they say, "जहाँ न पहुँचे रवि, वहाँ पहुँचे कवि. And indeed, the Sun is bound by the laws of time and is scheduled to rise about 200 times to meet the temporal place my mind has occupied as of present, 

I think despite all the warnings from seniors, Algebraic Topology is easier than expected. Currently, we are following Munkres for the Homotopy part, and after middsems another text will be followed for the Homology part. Perhaps it is so because we learnt a lot more than required stuff about fundamental groups in our first topology course. Anyway, one subject being easier is good. As for Operator Theory, while the syllabus for the course looks like this:

Compact operators on Hilbert Spaces. (a) Fredholm Theory (b) Index, C*-algebras - noncommutative states and representations, Gelfand-Neumark representation theorem, Von-Neumann Algebras; Projections, Double Commutant theorem, L∞ functionalCalculus, Toeplitz operators

In reality, due to a combination of department politics and egos of people involved, the course has morphed into some combination of Operator Algebra and von Neumann Algebra and Harmonic Analysis course following the legacy of VS Sundar, being mostly taught from Stratila & Zsido's Lectures on von Neumann Algebras and Javier's Fourier Analysis. This feels like a betrayal. The same politics have led to WCNH attendee list looking like a family picnic of certain academicians. The Douglas clan is evidently not invited. The ugly departmental politics aside, I have been a bad picker of electives anyway. 

On a side note, I had to cancel the prospective Sampablpur trip due to clashing with the exams. Now looking at the Mini workshop: Cantor set & Brownian motion at IISER Berhampur at the end of March. Anyway, ranting over, I do need to look at those vNA notes, but only after a few more hours with Carleson (1962) whose end is now in sight. 

A couple of days at ICAAA & 53rd OMS

 So last week I went to the  International Conference on "Advances in Analysis and its Applications" & 53rd Annual Conference of OMS held at IMA. It was my second time at IMA (I once mentioned that that conference might have been useful after all, but on further checking the litreaure the links never materialised) , but people have already started to think that I did my BSc at IMA due to familiarity with the routes to and fro from NIESR to IMA as well as the inner workings of IMA.

The conference itself was lacklustre, many applied talks that were very, very relaxed about regounress. and the parallel sessions were ill thought out (they were not grouped by either Age or Topic, what criteria they came up with, or they were able to conjure up a true RNG machine after IISC is beyond me). 

In short didn't actually learn much, for most talks were tangential to what I do. I did get to see my academic grandfather and Shanti Swarup Bhatnagar Awardee Gadadhar Misra. His talk was interesting, on Grothendieck's constant. Last time at IMO de didn't present anything but were just some sort of chief guest or organiser. Neither time did I have the courage to introduce myself, but my seniors here too haven't done that yet. Time will come, surely. Sudarsan Nanda's talk was also intresting and it was also very rich with personal anecdotes with G Das.

G Das is apparently a titan of Odia mathematics and perhaps indirectly responsible for my own PhD. I had the fortune to see him at the last conference at IMA. I didn't really recognise that then, my main takeaway was a joke at the expense of his son's name (Epsilon Das). 'बंदर क्या जाने अदरक का स्वाद'  and all that. Anyway, at OMS, they do seemto respect the elders a lot. 

×

❮ ❯

Moving to the more practical side, the food was better, and we got a bag a odia magzine and a printed version of JOMS. My first printed Journal! 

I do want to attend National Conference on Geometric Function Theory and Special Functions (NCGFTSF 2026), which is more aligned with my research area, but there seems to be some scheduling issue with my mid sem exams. I only hope it works out. 

Review: ख़ामोश! अदालत जारी है

ख़ामोश! अदालत जारी है [Khamosh! Adalat Jari Hai] by Vijay Tendulkar
My rating: 1 of 5 stars



View all my reviews ख़ामोश! अदालत जारी है [Khamosh! Adalat Jari Hai] by Vijay Tendulkar
My rating: 1 of 5 stars

पहली बार इस नाटक का नाम मैंने गिरीश कर्नाड की Collected Plays: Tughlaq, Hayavadana, Bali: The Sacrifice, Naga-Mandala, Volume 1 में देखा था। दोनो हो नाटककार समकालीन थे, दोनों ने ही भारतीय नाटकों में नए नए प्रयोग लाए थे, और दोनों का तुलनातमक विश्लेषण करना एक तरह का फ़ैशन मालूम पड़ता है। दोनो ने ही अलग भाषाओं में नाटक लिखा था जिसका मैने अनुवाद ही ग्रहण किया।

मेरे मत में समानताएँ यहीं तक सीमित हैं। कर्नाड की रचनाएँ एक परंपरा से जुड़ी प्रतीत होती हैं, जो यक्षगान आदि से उनके काम को जोड़ती है; जबकि, तेंदुलकर का यह नाटक एक जर्मन उपन्यास Traps का ही मराठी रूपांतरण है। ये बात नहीं कि देशकालीकरण मुझे स्वीकार नहीं, Three Men (not) in a Boat: and most of the time without a dog एक अच्छी कोशिश थी Three Men in a Boat के जादू को फिर से दोहराने की, लेकिन ये अच्छे से नहीं किया गया इस बार।

अब शायद इसका कारण गर्भांक और अतिनाटकीयता रहा हो जो इसे अत्यधिक बोझिल के दे रहा है, या पात्रों का वार्तालाप अत्यधिक, किसी अधिक उपयुक्त शब्द के अभाव में कहूँ तो,‘ड्रामैटिक’ लगा हो। वैसे भी, यह माध्यम की एक स्वाभाविक सीमा हैये दिक्कत तो वैसे था माध्यम की ही है, ज्यादा होता नहीं कि नाटक पढ़ के मन में अच्छा लगता है। शायद कर्नाड का Shadi Ka Albam पढ़नी चाहिए आगे जब अनुधिक भारतीय नाटक पढ़ने का मन हो।

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Review: Enthralled By You

Enthralled By You by Angela Pearse
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

I received an ARC copy for this, like I did for the first book in the series Flossed In Love. My main complaints with the first book were its short length and ending at the high stakes cliffhanger. This book is even shorter, and while it resolves the cliffhanger, it loses all the built up tention from the last book. Big events happen, but they feel anticlimactic. Take transformations into a vampire for example, in the first book, we see only one transformation and another character weighing on another potential transformation formed much of the plot for it. In this part, however, we see 4 back to back transformations and another in the flashback! None of which held the seriousness or gravitas or even time devoted to Floss' transformation. Still, it is a very quick read, but the main gain from the book is resolving the initial cliffhanger and introducing a new set of characters for the final instalment of the trilogy Biting My Knight, which I do plan to read. Hopefully, the last book will raise the standards.

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मत पढ़ो Nooh के बारे में

 

Don’t Play With Nooh अंग्रेज़ी शीर्षक वाली एक करीब करीब हिन्दी में लिखी गई कहानी है। लेखक (जो अज्ञात है कितनू प्रतिलिप्याधिकार एक असाद के पास है, अब जिसे जो सोचना है सोचे) के अनुसार वो ना तो हिंदी में निपुण है ना ही अंग्रेजी में, इसलिए ये ' हिंदुस्तानी' में लिखा जा रहा है। अगर हिन्दी उर्दू के बाद अंग्रेज़ी भी मिला दी जाए तो ज़रूर हिन्दुस्तानी है ये, लेकिन शायद हिंग्लिश कहना ज्यादा उपयुक्त होगा। एक बार विश्वविद्यालयों की आधुनिक पंचमेल खिचड़ी का ज़िक्र किया था, वो ही बोली है इसमें। कहानी AMU की है, छाप तो है लेखन में। छपा हुआ देख कर ही महसूस होता है कि हमारी हिन्दी को कितना अटपटा कर दिया है अंग्रेज़ी ने। Cat तक हमे रोमनलिपि में अंग्रेज़ी में लिखना हो रहा है। लेकिन अच्छा या खराब, आज ये युवाओं की बोली में ही ये किताब है।

Notion Press से प्रकाशित है और स्वप्रकाशन की झलक साफ दिखती है त्रुटियों में । चन्द्रबिन्दु नहीं है कहीं भी, माना कि लोकाचार में पंचमाक्षर, अनुस्वार और अनुनासिक के उच्चारण में भिन्नता का लोप हो गया है (संभवतः आदिशंकराचार्य के भज गोविन्द के प्रभाव से), कहीं पे अर्धचंद्रबिंदु लिखा गया है और कहीं तो कुछ नहीं (अदर्शनं लोपः)। शकार के स्थान में षकार का प्रयोग है। जब पहेली पहेली बार विंडोज़ में देवनागरी लिखता था तो ऐसा ही होता था। आजकल तो आईआईटी कानपुर के WX notation से लिखता हूं। आखिर वैज्ञानिक बुद्धि ही काम आई। एक तरह से ये सारी त्रुटियां हिंदी भाषा के क्षय जिसका वर्णन ऊपर किया उसपे ही एक तरह की अनजाने में नाटकीय विडंबना है। बहुत इधर उधर मुंह मारने के बाद ये चुना है। और मोबाइल में तो गूगल कीबोर्ड सही है देवनागरी के लिए।

खैर महज़ भाषा से ही दिक्कत न थी मेरी, अन्यथा 10 पृष्ठ पढ़ के न छोड़ता किताब। खैर गम नहीं, सिर्फ 30 32 की किताब मिल गई थी ये मुझे। 

गुमनाम लेखक (जो शायद असाद हो सकता है) की ये आपबीती कहानी है। वो वाचक भी है और एक पत्र भी। दोनों में भी काफी irritating सा महसूस होता है। बकौल स्नेप के "Insufferable know-it-all"। 

ये किताब भी अभी तक है नहीं GR में, हालांकि की बाईआल की कविता संग्रह पे जो इधर लिखा था अब उसका एक अंश GR में डाल दिया है। जब तक नहीं आ जाता ये भी उधर, तब तक ये ही सही। 

1/5 सितारे 

" ऊपर वाला जब भी देगा देगा छप्पर फाड़ कर "

राज नारायण पाण्डेय, Bcom, BCA, IAS cum BDO (Deputation) लेगांव, अभी कुछ एक दिन पहले ही ट्रैनिंग के दौरान ग्रुप बी पोस्ट में डेप्युटेशन में लेगांव आए थे। ताउम्र तो दिल्ली में रहे थे, बोल चाल सब दिल्ली वाली ही थी लेकिन कैडर यूपी का मिला था। दिल्ली के करीब 50 किलोमीटर ही दूर था ये लेगांव लेकिन जीवंतशैली तो शायद 50 साल दूर थी। बचपन में तो दूरी मिनटों में ही सुनते आएं थे अपने पाण्डेय बाबु, किन्तु युवावस्था में मैट्रो स्टेशनों की गिनती ने अपने आप को एक बड़े इलाके में इकलौता मापदंड जामा लिया था। लेकिन लेगांव मैट्रो स्टेशन कहां? कितने ही लोग है इधर जो मैट्रो जानते भी हों? दिल्ली मैट्रो क्या, दिल्ली की बोली भी क्या बोल पाते हैं ये लोग? 

भाषा तो हिंदी ही है। लेकिन इक्कीसवीं शताब्दी की नहीं, पाण्डेय बाबु ने तो केवल NCERT में सुना था ये सब जो बोलते हैं ये। शायद प्रेमचन्द्र के अनुयाई हैं। क्या मज़ाक है? 35% साक्षात्कारता है ग्राम में महज़। प्रेमचन्द्र ना इधर के लोग जानते हैं न शायद इनकी आनेवाले 2 पीढियां जान पाएंगी।

कैसे जानेंगे? विद्यालय, जिसको आम लोग ईस्कूल कहते हैं, तो एक है इधर किन्तु केवल लड़कियों के लिए, लड़कों को पास के गाँव में जाना होता है। इस ईस्कूल की भी हालत जर्जर है, अध्यापक 2 हैं, पिऊन भी 2। 4 लोग मिल के घंटों निकाल देते हैं 29 खेलने में। पाण्डेय बाबु तो दिल्ली में कभी पत्ते छुए ना थे, पर अब हर दूसरे दिन ईस्कूल का दौरा मार कर 20 30 हाथ ये भी खेल लेते हैं। इन्हें देखकर उमर में छोटा पिऊन खुद खड़ा हो जाता है तो किसी बच्ची को चाय बनाने भेज देते है। पढ़ाई भले न हुए इधर, पूरे गांव में तीसरी कक्षा की लड़कियां ही सबसे अच्छी चाय बनाती हैं। तीसरी कक्षा कहना शायद ठीक नहीं, 8 या 9 ही तो आते हैं, बच्चियां एक साथ पढ़ती हैं और नवयुवतियां एक साथ। इम्तेहान नाममात्र का ही होता है। ये लड़ियां ही तनिक खड़ीबोली जानती नहीं। 

खड़ीबोली जानती हो या न जानती हो, पाण्डेय बाबु को ज्यादा दिक्कत इस बात से हे कि ये लोग 5 मिनिट बिना मुहावरों के बोल नहीं सकते। व्याकरण में मुहावरों  सार्थ याद रखने होते थे मैट्रिक तक । मुहावरों और लोकोक्तियों में अंतर तो पाण्डेय बाबु आज भी नींद में बोल सकते हैं – 1 और 3 नंबर दोनों के हिसाब के। लेकिन कवि क्या कहना चाहता है ये प्रश्नपत्रों तक ही छोड़ दिया जाए ये पाण्डेय बाबू का मत है। लेकिन लेगांव में तो हर एक संवाद ही किसी अपठित गद्यांश सा महसूस होता।लेकिन डेप्युटेशन तो 2 महीने की ही है, गिन के 18 दिन बाकी है। एक बार लेगांव से निकल जाए तो सभ्यता के बीच पाण्डेय बाबू अपनी ज़ुबान सुन पाए। 

वैसे इतना बुरा भी नहीं लेगांव। ईस्कूल की छत पर दुपहर में धूप सेकते हुए पिऊन से चंपी करने में एक अलग ही आनंद है। मुखर्जीनगर की थकान धीरे धीरे निकलते जाती है इस तरह। ख्यालों में पाण्डेय बाबू खो ही रहे थे कि एक छात्रा आई, शायद 6 या 7 साल की होगी, और पिऊन के बगल में जाके बैठकर एकटक अपने बीडीओ को निहारने लगी। ज़ुबान में बात थी एक और दिल में वो देहाती बेबाकपन लेकिन फिर भी भारत सरकार के इस सेवक से बात चालू करने में एक झिझक थी । लेकिन देख ले लग रहा था कि जैसे ही पांडेय बाबू एक शब्द बोल दें, न्यूटन के पहले सिद्धांत से ये रुकने वाली न है। 

पाण्डेय बाबु भी बोरियत के मारे नाम पूछ लिए उससे। सीता, गीता या कुछ ऐसा ही कहा। पाण्डेय बाबू को कुछ खास मतलब नहीं था जवाब से, शायद बाद अपनी ही आवाज सुननी थी। फिर 10 12 मिनट रीता ने, उसका नाम रीता था अब तक पाण्डेय बाबू को एहसास हो गया, ने उसके घर में कितनी बकरियां हैं (4), कितने भाई हैं (2), और मां बाप कैसे रहते हैं (बीच बीच में काफ़ी गाली गालोच होती है) सब बता दिया। बीच में वो बोली कि उसकी मां कहती फिरती है कि " ऊपर वाला जब भी देगा देगा छप्पर फाड़ कर "। ये मुहावरा हमेशा से पाण्डेय बाबू को अटपटपा लगता। छप्पर फाड़ ये क्यों देना लेकिन भला, क्या भगवान ऊपर से ही वस्तु देगा ये सवाल उसका बचपन से था। पाण्डेय बाबू ने रीता से ये ही बात पूछ ली। जब स्वर्ग ऊपर है और भगवान स्वर्ग में तो समान तो ऊपर से ही आयेगा ना। रीता के इस तर्क में दम तो था। इनमस्वरूप रीता को एक पांच का सिक्का नसीब हुआ। और पाण्डेय बाबू? ताश की एक और बाज़ी खेलने चल दिए।

2 हफ्ते बीत गए, अब तो समान ही बंधा जा रहा था। पंचायत के उपप्रमुख का साला खुद पाण्डेय बाबू का समान बांध रहा था। लेकिन उस दिन फिर वो लड़की दिखी, गीता रीता या जो भी। पाण्डेय बाबू को फिर खप्पर वाली बात याद आ गई। इतनी छोटी उम्र में ही ऐसे बेतुक मुहावरें क्यूं बोलने लगते है ये लेगांव के बच्चे? अब व्हेन इन रोम... 

वैसे आज ताश बंद है। ईस्कूल की छत चू रही है और कल रात भयंकर बारिश हुई थी। पांडेय बाबू के क्वार्टर के बाहर सभी लड़कियां खोखो खेल रहें हैं। लेकिन ये मौसम तो चाय की फरमाइश करता है। पाण्डेय बाबू जेब से दस का नोट निकल के रीता को बुलाते हैं, वो चूल्हा जला के चाय बनाने में लग जाती है। चाय चढ़ाते हुए रीता कुछ बुदबुदाई

“ऊपर वाला जब भी देगा देगा छप्पर फाड़ कर।

उत्तरलेख

पाण्डेय बाबू को भांति में ही इस मुहावरे का पदार्थ ये ही समझ रहा था आज तक। नितिन नबीन के लिए डीके की हिदायत में जब इस अंग्रेज़ी अनुवाद होता है तब इसका अलसी अर्थ जाना, घर फर्श से छत तक भर जाएगा और इतना भरेगा कि शायद छत ही टूट जाए। 

Navier-Stokes-R Sir

 Okay, I am in awe of R Sir, have successfully cleared Advanced PDE after much stress (88 marks nonetheless, 2 short of the perfect A grade) and have gone to a PDE Workshop at CAM with a dubious level of utility extracted. Still, my heart yearns for more PDE and R Sir. Krantz's Partial Differential Equations and Complex Analysis sits proudly on my table and combines three of my favourite things in Mathematics. 

So when R Sir sent a mail announcing that he wants to lecture from Robinson et al's The Three-Dimensional Navier–Stokes Equations, I was perhaps one of the first to reply back to get on the mailing list. Timing is an issue this semester, but still, I can't bring myself to pass up this opportunity.  

He is lecturing in a very Feynman technique sort of way to a mixed audience of postdocs, PhDs, advanced undergraduates and even physicists! In his own words:

I am seeking an audience that is willing to hear me lecture on whatever I have managed to understand from the first four chapters of that book (I haven't attempted anything beyond that.......trying to understand the first four chapters is a sufficiently ambitious goal). 

My goal is to try to unravel the proof of the existence of a weak solution for the Navier-Stokes equation. 

If you are interested in listening to what I have figured out....

The thing is, I don't particularly care about the Navier-Stokes equation or Fluid Mechanics for that matter.  First, I am not that interested in physics myself. Second, despite the mythicalization and the omnipowerful status granted to the problem in online discourse due to the Millennium Prize, it fails to account for many things and doesn't even correctly model water at very small scales, which is not a criticism so much as a reminder of what the model is and what it is not ought to be evaluated to. Nor do I care much for the classical solutions, I am much more interested in Weak Solutions and the techniques of manipulating a nonlinear PDE. My point of view seems to be shared by R Sir too, for when talking of some boundary constraints inthe case of the Torus, he clearly stated:

Although I personally don't care about the Physics.

Literally my words. He then went out to start from the very start, the Geometer's definition of Laplacian:

$$ \Delta := -\left( \frac{\partial^2}{\partial x_1^2} + \frac{\partial^2}{\partial x_2^2} + \frac{\partial^2}{\partial x_3^2} \right) $$

 Not that PDE persons', not analysts', not physicists', but of his own tribe. No wonder we got assignment problems from Warner's Foundations of Differentiable Manifolds and Lie Groups in the first (mind you, first, not the Advanced course) PDE course. Like me, to him, PDE is a tool and a delightful one at that. I, too, have started to prefer his definition of Laplacian, it creates some notational inconsistencies between my thesis and the bibliography, but the results about Subharmonic functions make much more sense with this definition. 

I am sure a lot many people will drop starting today, but I aim to complete the lectures with perfect attendence. LB, with our firendship levels up on the sky, will also be attending so at the very least we will have fun tackling stuff we didn't understand. I can't wait till my COmprehencive exams after which I will be beyond the cycle of mid sems and end sems तस्य हि ध्रुवो मृत्युर्ध्रुवं जन्म मृतस्य च. Passing the comprehencive is the Nirvana moment of the PhD life. When one can just audit courses witjhout caring about exams. R Sir have just granted me this boon early, and I will make the most of it. 

To Katabasis with Love

 

I have been trying to get into fantasy for some time. There have been some recent hits like the Vampire-Dentist book but as soon as the book starts to take itself much seriously things start to fall apart for me. Fantasy and seriousness don't really gel well for me. Or at least such I thought before picking up Katabasis by RF Kaung. 

I am early up the book but it still resonates. Apparently this is a dark academia book too. I don't know much about the genre but the protagonist Alice Law is a PhD student and I can relate to her much. 

I liked how they treat Magic as some sort of academic discipline which is studied, have different schools and researched at a PhD level. One person described the magic system as "chewy" and it somehow makes sense to even an outsider to the genre like me. They cross check references, pit the canon text against each other and what not. Sometimes the paper is in a language they can't understand or it might simply be unavailable to look at. How much all this reminds me of my still unfinished quest to find the proof of Hall's Lemma. 

A lot of works and maths refrences in the book are real. I must go on and read 'What the Tortoise Said to Achilles' for the book used an argument apparently in that text and it got me intrested. The book also mentions something about Ramanujan-Casimir effect, which sounds to make up but is apparently a real thing. Here is a better article about the effect, it sounds interesting but still I will be passing up for we are mathematics and the physical things don't concern us. That and a severe lack of prerequisites. Our protagonist Alice may not like me though, for after some discussion about the geometry of space for a couple of pages: 

"Oh, stop it." As always, mathematics induced in Alice the urge to weep. "What's the point?" 

But unlike Verne's All Around the Moon the geometry does matter here. It matters in Hell but not in space! Indeed, if geometry matters there, then 'To Hell with Love'.

The Zoo and the Empire: On Soul in a Shell

My debut poetry book, “Soul In A Shell” OUT SEPTEMBER 🐚 pic.twitter.com/AzJ8Bux20F

— Dylan Byall (@dylanbyall1075) March 16, 2025

I received an ARC for Soul in a Shell by Dylan Byall (linktree link provided at the back of the book itself) and am writing this post as an honest review. The book is not yet on GR and I am too fed up of GR librarians and the slow process to change stuff there that I will not make a request to add this. If and when that happens I will post a shorter review on GR too. Keeping up with the tradition, this post will not be linked there. 

Now to the book. It's mostly a poetry collection with some prose sprinkled here and there. It was published in September 2025. The author mentions being a fan of Gertrude Stein, John Steinbeck, Fitzgerald and Hemingway from his teenage years. Except for the last I can't claim to be familiar with his literally lineage in the sense of reading their works. But the author characterizes their style as observational and a voice of the subaltern. The author well managed to try score of those axes. The author is a US Navy man posted for much time in Japan and the writing of the book began during the Corona Pandemic.

The author manages to integrate well the black redactions in this poems. An extreme example is this:

I don't know if the technique is used much or the author is a pioneer but it seems to work a lot of times. They seem to capture the current trend of blacking out information well, something even the US government is recently much criticized in relation to Epstein Files. Or closer home, the secrecy surrounding the recent failures of ISRO. The author has even experimented with use of emojis alongside redacted text on the poem titled "I look at my phone and the world, spinning like a bullet, slows". This captures the reality of modern day social media very well with the trolling, censorship, power moding and low level discourse. Redaction technique works well in the poem entitled "Catch-22" too which links censorship of soldiers letters (my mind immediately goes to Feynman messing with the censors) during WW2 to current day censorship by an agency whose name itself is redacted showing that the book is not beyond the laws of the era. The author also tries visual poetry like in "The Wax Candle/ Its Source Code" and many other titles but I don't really like it. But even I don't even get Chitrakavya so maybe it's just me. My edition of छन्दः सूत्रम्: had some of them by the commentator (who was an Arya Samaji and managed to let that influence his commentry) at the end, but they were never explained. And I never tried much on my own too.

The author's naval career anchors a huge part of the book. Beginning from the very description of his recruiter in "The man had many masks", to dates of finalizing of his papers, him leaving the house (July 25, 2017 by the way). He doesn't view it in a favourable way. It seems to be a traumatic experience for him. He compares the soldiers to Zoo animals, in "Zoo" he writes:

Now, I feel like I am part of
Uncle Sam's private collection,
And he's suicidal.

He's just freed me into a new world,
where I'm authorized to be shot on sight
or shipped off
to another zoo.

This was in context of Zanesville Massacre, when a person committed suicide after releasing 56 animals, including apex predators like lions and tigers, loose. I don't usually like these sort of anti heroic view of the armed forces. I am very much a सर कटा सकते, मगर झुका सकते नहीं person. But Joe Abercrombie seems to make it work in Before they are Hanged. And Byall also comes very close here. I think my view on the post world war bases imposed by Americans on Japan also helps. This poem is followed by a prose writing entitled "The Fukuoka Supreme Store & The Fall of Rome". The author writes it towards the end of his service in Japan. He writes that 

Some people see the U.S. as a dignitary trying to pay leader. But in 2023, I imagined it as Maximus Aurelius entering the Colosseum, wounded beneath it's armour. Even though it knew the wound was there, it knew it had to fight. And even though it might collapse on the world stage, it would still step into the arena  — because that's what empires do.

Standing in the Supreme Store, I felt the pulse of something decaying beneath the surface, something true, hidden under the brand's glossy sheen. Maybe that's what made it Supreme, made America supreme. Maybe that's what makes us all.

Something waiting to fight, even when it could already be lost.

Much tragic realism isn't it? The author was a aboard USS Ronald Reagan (he later mentions that some of the poem were actually written during that stint). The motto of the supercarrier (and its a mighty super one at that, which can house the entire fixed wing inventory of Indian Navy aviation arm at the same time) is "Peace Through Strength" which I thought was a Trumpism but while writing this post I learnt otherwise. From this mighty ship, the author circles back to the "Zoo" theme in the poem "Ghost Stories":

as if the gory could outweigh 

the cost of the crown.

At multiple other places the author returns to similar themes. In "Tom and Jerry" he says:

America likes to think itself 

the best of both.

The big cat with the small mouse' mind.

We'll make anything out prey.

The next poem to catch my eye was "Portrait in Red". It is about the portrait His Majesty King Charles III. The poet notes that the painting captures realism, his age and such. Much a far cry from when every Tom, Dick and Harry could have crowned themselves the Lord of Totality of Fourier Corners. I think it further evaluates the need or Monarchs in today's day and age. Only today can we except to open newspaper and see pre adolescents second in line to the British throne use that as a brag in their school to gain clout. The King is dead, long the Republic when? Sadly nothing came out of Elizabeth's death. Even India declared a day of National mourning over it! As I write the son of deposed Shah of Iran tried to topple the Islamic Republic to sit on the throne. The author writes:

In these times

they say a social contract 

feels like a deal with Devil.

But I know every deal breeds a devil of its own.

There is a sister poem "Portrait in Blue". A few others have similar sister poems or continuation.

The author was posted in Japan, specifically Yokusuka base. He writes "On High Alert (2021 to 2025)"  to show that it was not an Eastern holiday posting. He took was on high alert during entirety of his deployment. 

"This is the geopolitical hotspot of the world," 

they drill into our heads at sea 

so we remain on high alert.

Machoism of the falling wounded gladiator? 

The poem "United States" touches both the declining empire as well as man as slave of machine themes that form the bulk of the collection. I especially like the ending stanza:

The iPhone,

stuck to my hand,

charging off me,

types:

Sent from my Human.

This does sends a chill. Does send a chill.

I think the poems that focused on these two theames were the most memorable. There were many others too, but they didn't call my attention that much. Truth be told I forgot about the book midway due to all the mess around the New Year and was only recently reminded of it my a reminder e-mail from the ARC agency. 

But the beauty of poetry is that it can sometimes be given a completely different meaning depending on the listener. The extreme example is, of course, Magha' Sishupal Vadh's 16th Canto. But I had a similar (but unintentional on part of the author) moment while reading "Even in War Zones". The entire poem is:

Even in war zones

the lotus dares bloom

in murky, oil- slick ponds

plunked with bullet shells.

To me this is just dedicated to victory of BJP MLA Shagun whose father were uncle were killed by Kashmiri terrorists.

Length of this poem is similar to a lot others in the collection. However some poems span 3 pages too. Overall the lengths are very mixed. The style is mostly free verse, but a few have some sort of well rhyme scheme, especially in the second part called "Ctrl". This I think is a conscious choice.

There seems to be only one other public review at the time of writing, which is by Dr Dudas on Reedsy. He calls it a 'Must Read' but I will be much held back in my praise. The author mentions that he has already started work on its sequel "Ad Disastra" but it won't be an automatic TBR for me. Perhaps my tastes in poetry are already too strong, but it was still a nice way to get out of my comfort zone.

In summary it's a 2.5/5 for me. And if you (like GR) wants to force an integral value, I must round it up to 3/5.

Ch 25 of The Pickpocket’s Letter: The Dying Sanyo, and a Very Alive Cliché

Continuing with Anil Nijhawan's The Pickpocket's Letter, as promised to the ARC agency, up from page 32 to page 142 (2/3 done). And it does not improve. There seems to be now a dual timeline (as well as the narrator's digressions and comments, which jump the timeline even more). Unlike Flossed In Love this does not work here. This is supposed to be a letter narrated by a semi-literate pickpocket. This is not supposed to be an ‘अस्ति कश्चित् वाग्विशेष:’ moment (not that I may be accusing Kalidas to be matching Mr Nijhawan's prose in any sense). 

I am at Chapter 25, that's 7 pages per chapter on average. But the chapter length varies considerably. At least the flow is natural.  I find that the Sanyo voice recording machine is also a full-fledged character in the story. The model isn't mentioned, but it might look like this(image courtesy of Saudi Amazon), considering the timelines:

It's 20 years old, but 'works like a dream in the opening chapter. But as the pages progress catches up to its age. On page 100, it shows the first signs of sleep apnea. In the 25th chapter, it dies. This might be the genuine most genuinely saddest I have felt up to this point. I may have a list of 19 tragedies in the first 32 pages itself, but the Sanoyo thing was the only one built up slowly and the only thing that felt real. 

Deenu and his friend Sanju tried very hard to save it, but they couldn't. Sanju is somewhat relieved from this, as he was the one who had to type out the voice recording. Deenu felt genuinely sad at this point

I had grown so accustoomed to its purring sounds, the clicks and clanks, its silence was distrubing me. 

The chapter then changes tracks to a discussion of religion (following overspeeding), which, mind you, started with Islam, but the killing blow, of course, had to be taken by the Hindoo, and we get the most cliché statement:

religion is a bad thing. The idea of going to heaven is nonsense; its's a concept created by rich Brahmins to keep the poor lower castes from rebelling. 

This is exactly what Mundaka says, right?

परीक्ष्य लोकान्कर्मचितान्ब्राह्मणो निर्वेदमायान्नास्त्यकृतः कृतेन ।

तद्विज्ञानार्थं स गुरुमेवाभिगच्छेत्समित्पाणिः श्रोत्रियं ब्रह्मनिष्ठम् ॥

I think perhaps the author can handwave the dialogue as thoughts of the street urchin rather than his own. And the chapter ends as it must with:

So now, we are back in Business, Modiji. 

To Modi, Via Office of Oppression Olympics, From Mr Nijhawan

Your Highness Mr. Narendra Modi, 

You are the prime minister of India, one of the world's largest democracies. They say you 

This is the words of Deenu a semi literate teenage orphan who have apparently been forced by circumstances to become a pickpocketer for an organized criminal organization in Anil Nijhawan's The Pickpocket's Letter which I am currently reading. Why I say apparently is for I am on just page 32 of the book, and it's the ARC epub file so it's counting the title and copyright and all that stuff too. Why I needed to stop and write a post here I will tell in a moment but I think the fact that Deenu used Yours Highness rather than the correct style Honorable tells us that he indeed is semi literate in universe as well as the Political leanings of the author in the real world. Remember the 'No Kings' in the west?

But back to India and back to the book. In just the few pages I have left we have already encountered:

1. Caste Oppression 
2. Child Trafficking 
3. Ingrained victimization 
4. Trivialisation of Hindu rituals 
5. Caricature of Pandits ("as if she needed blessings by the potbellied men of God who chewed pan and gutka while chanting Shlokas")
6. Child Abuse
7. Child abandonment 
8. Child sexual abuse
9. Child Sexual abuse (but the offender and victim are both female this time)
10. RSS ki Sazish "It is not you [Modi] but the RSS who are in charge." 
11. Animal abuse
12. Sociopathic behaviour 
13. Sadism
14. Body mutilation 
15. Schizophrenia 
16. Other mental health disorders
17. Loneliness epidemic 
18. Acceptance of hierarchy, of मात्स्यन्याय
19. RSS is actually Taliban ("It's a rightwing Hindu organisation. It wants to turn India into a Hindu Rashtra, a bit like the Taliban, who wants to create a Muslim state.")

This may not be complete for I started reading this as a fiction and not keeping track of all the categories of which categories of Oppression Olympics the author wanted the book to compete it. Liberal (pun intended) does of variants of "Now, Mr Modiji" is sprinkled throughout the text. 

There is a story which upto this point is how Deenu lived in an orphanage and wants to escape from it and later works as a pickpocket but it drowns down while meeting the criterias for the Oppression Olympics. Sadly it makes not for an intresting read. 

I know I am not the most humane and compassionate man and the blog is witness to my shortcomings  but still I can tolerate, even appreciate, social messaging in fiction. I think most good fiction (and not the trashy quick stress busters which I confessed to have stared reading) gives some kind of message even if the author didn't actually intend it to have one at the start. Even if it has a social message, it can be very powerful. Bitter Virgin the manga bought even me to tears. I have never looked at rape victims the same before. It also awakened a love for the art of Manga. 

This work however does nothing of that sort. It's a political rant wrapped in a story. The accumulation of suffering feels less like insight and more like a checklist, and the narrative is repeatedly sacrificed at the altar of ideological urgency. Suffering is piled upon suffering without allowing any one of them the narrative space to breathe, reflect, or transform the characters meaningfully. It's just the Operation Olympics version of Club 99 from Krish, Trish and Baltiboy. Had this not been an ARC copy, I would have dropped the book here. But I must keep my word and read on, even if only to see whether the story ever manages to reclaim the space it has surrendered.

Agnivesh Bhaiya Om Shanti and I am ashamed of myself

Today is the darkest day of my life.

My beloved son, Agnivesh, left us far too soon. He was just 49 years old, healthy, full of life, and dreams. Following a skiing accident in the US, he was recovering well in Mount Sinai Hospital, New York. We believed the worst was behind us.… pic.twitter.com/hDQEDNI262

— Anil Agarwal (@AnilAgarwal_Ved) January 7, 2026

Saw the tweet early in the morning, and I literally felt nothing. The coldness of Jatani seems to have penetrated my heart. Didn't even bother to read the full thing. A part of me felt as if the father is trying engagement farming over this death. No sympathy, no empathy. Then saw this tweet by Modi like 15 minutes ago.

The untimely passing of Shri Agnivesh Agarwal is deeply shocking and saddening. The depth of your grief is evident in this touching tribute. Praying that you and your family find continued strength and courage. Om Shanti.@AnilAgarwal_Ved https://t.co/qn0DBuBj2S

— Narendra Modi (@narendramodi) January 8, 2026

Why is the Prime Minister QTing this? Is this some MP? Some big man? Oh, the bio says "Chairman - Vedanta Group". Wait, Vedanata group of the (unfortunately named) POSCO mines fame? The one that was unfairly shut down due to activists? Yes that one./ 

And what was my first reaction? Not realization of सस्यमिव मर्त्यः पच्यते सस्यमिवाजायते पुनः, not even an Om Shanti, not even a cynical smile and ghastly glee some in the "Eat the Rich" circles may be having. It was to Open Groow and see if I can buy the dip! All this while पिया तू अब तो आ जा plays in the background.

And that I did.

The stock is on an all-time high, and even before today's dip the consensus was:

Following the latest surge, Vedanta has surpassed Emkay Global's target of Rs 625. Emkay had recommended BUY on Vedanta due to its subsidiary Hindustan Zinc benefiting from latest silver rates rally. It said that time, "FY27 management guidance for zinc output is ≥1,080kt and for silver production ~700t-positioned in the first quartile on the global zinc cost curve; minimal hedging for FY27 reflects the management's firm belief about structural silver tightness and supports a price-led earnings upside. At spot prices, we estimate EBITDA of Rs258bn vs consensus' Rs220bn, a ~17% upgrade potential. Each USD1/oz move in silver price changes HZ's EBITDA by

1%. We believe that silver exposure is underpriced and the recent runup in the HZ and VEDL stock price reflects earnings upgrade potential."

Overall, the consensus recommendation from 13 analysts for Vedanta is BUY, as per Trendlyne data.

This is an objectively good trade I think, well as objective as one can be in the stock market. But I feel like I am a bad person, someone's son (and I assume heir apparent) dies and my thought is if I can profit? I am not a Marxist who thinks that they are rich off exploited labour, so they are bad persons and suppress any need for sympathy for that class. No, that's not my worldview. But still, I can't feel much. I feel bad only for I can't feel bad, this is my problem. I am ashamed that my thoughts were directed to the stocks, to my Algebraic Topology class about to start in 10 minutes, to the fact that I have heard this song somewhere (they put it in Dhurandhar, which I watched twice in the Cinema!), and whether or not I should drink my milk now. 

I don't even know if not I can function in human society. I am perhaps too numbed for everything. 

My Year in Books: 2025

 The twice teased Year in Books 2025 is finally here after a gap of a year. I will present it without further ado. 

48 was a good number of reads, I think, considering the whole PhD business and also that this blog has also picked up steam. Much better than 30 last year (also, since I did not write a Blog post, it's worse). I don’t think I am going back to the near-century of 2023, but that’s fine. I chose my life. Many decades later, I’ll get that century; for now, it’s the Corona Problem that has my attention.

I was thinking that 2.9 average rating meant it was a bad year for books, but it was a 2.8 in 2023! Both good and enjoyable years of reading. Guess I beat the whole "Bad is stronger than good" thing.

 अक्रोधेन जयेत् क्रोधम् असाधुं साधुना जयेत्. 

One thing that changed this year is that my little brother got into reading too. That, and the fact that I have DD. Two book buddies was not a thing I previously had. And it does help.

Anyway, the year started with a string of thrillers that DD lent me (read: forced me to read), because I once said I don't like thrillers much. Okay, I had restarted reading with them once, but they seemed to get repetitive and boring after some time. I think it was Suheldev & the Battle of Bahraich and The Vault of Vishnu which finally killed the genre for me. But still the year started with  How to Kill Your Family, A Good Girl's Guide to Murder, The Silent Patient and Verity. This, I think, is the Thriller-Girl on Bookstagram starter pack canon. I wouldn't know, since I am not on IG. But DD is, and she keeps sending me reels on WhatsApp. They sometimes feel so relatable that I think DD directs them. These books were different from the ones I had previously read. Much darker, more real, with more sass, with actual emotions rather than cardboard characters, and more adult than what a middle-schooler thinks “adult” is. Also, the female POV feels different. I think my previous exposure to it was limited to Pride and Prejudice (which I didn't like). I also like the aspect that MC may be an unreliable narrator. अन्यत्तृणमिव त्याज्यमप्युक्तं पद्मजन्मना indeed. I went ahead and got my own books in the genre. Lights Out and I Was a Teenage Slasher (whose review I xposted on this blog) didn't work, while I was hooked on Gone Girl. 

Speaking of reviews, I started xposting some GR reviews here. Sometimes they are not even reviews but just my musings, or a longer review than one n GR, field notes as I go on reading or even multipart deep dives like for Makers of Modern Dalit History. I think it was one of the posts that got me back to writing on the blog, the blog did pick up some steam before that, but it was the tuboboost in some ways. I have written more about this exponential growth in posts here. There is something calming about writing these posts, even if no one reads this, and writing on the books is one of the main goals I started the blog with. I really wish GR showed the number of reviews written rather than just the first and last one. 

Speaking of my brother, my parents are surprisingly more lenient with him. Well, there is a 10 year gap between up and the change in parenting style shows. I read library books secretly, and this one gets taken to the Pragati Maidan Book Fair. Just how the time changes. This anyway it nice for me. I can read his books when back in Faridabad. Read Percy Jackson this way, and I was disappointed. Harry Potter is the one true boy wizard for me. The Choosen One. Ditto for The Alchemist. Don't get the hype of either. Days at the Morisaki Bookshop, however, was a warm, cozy book that I really liked. Liked enough to gift him Days at the Torunka Café. I also did read, but it doesn't hold up to the first book.

Speaking of books I didn't write, I think it starts with Butter. There seems to be a Tsunami of warm, cozy Japanese novels in the Indian market. But book this, I don't like. Vector: A Surprising Story of Space, Time, and Mathematical Transformation (which I got in a Hardcover, thanks to the DAE contingency grant) was another bad book early in the year. वर्जिन is a free poetry collection I saw years ago on Google Books, I finally gave it a serious read this year, but still bad. Also, I should not have picked up Lords of Wrath as my introduction to Dark Romance. I have not picked another since. I tried That Night to find a good Indian written Thriller, but was disappointed too. The Fractal Murders was a good title on bad writing and a story. I think the 2.9 rating is starting to make sense now. 

Given my trade, there were obviously Maths textbooks. While a lot of Krantz's is good, Axler's MIRA stood out the most.  And the year ended finally with the warm yet depressing Dept. of Speculation.

Reading Goals 2026

1. 30 Books.
2. Complete Ambedkar's जात-पांत का विनाश.
3. 1 book in (not on) Sanskrit.
4. 4 books in Hindi.
   
5. 1 book in Urdu Script (which I will learn via this book).
6. 1 book by Savarkar.
7. 3 Books from the "Ideologically Opposite" Camp.
8. Read the History of the decline and fall of the Roman Empire Vol.- 1
9. 1 Indian Autobiography.
10. 1 book on some current policy debate.

Some of these are still uncompleted items from 2023, but the year is still young. We will meet again next time this year to take stock of this.