On Nuclear Apartheid, First Reactions on Iran vs US and Co and a conditional Iran Zindabad

 I was in a state between panicking over the Operator Theory exam tommorow and imposter-syndroming cum fleeing over CSIR NET and NBHM results this morning when I came across this tweet:

BREAKING: State of Israel launches a preemptive strike against Iran; Defense Minister Israel Katz declares a special and immediate state of emergency across the entire country. - Statement

— Faytuks Network (@FaytuksNetwork) February 28, 2026

This no name handle broke to me the news of war which have since spiraled into a full regional conflict with Uncle Sam involved. Modi just came back from Israel when they stokes Iran. Deals would have been made and given the lack of commendations yet, I assume it have been a green light from our side. I know that Saam, daam, dand, bhed all are fair and I do congratulate the Indian government for painting that. Still this makes my blood boil. Wrap and wrap it all you want in layers of protests and civil rights, the main issue is the imposition of the Nuclear Appertheid. The haves have decided Revolutionary Iran is no good and must be denied the benefit for such power. India have espaced from the clutches of this Appertheid but have never supported others in doing so. Realism over idealism is my personal motto too, the government have no business standing for a nuclear Iran, but I as a private citizen can. All this comes in background of this tweet from Oman's monsiter today itself:

I met Vice President JD Vance today and shared details of the ongoing negotiation between the United States and Iran and the progress achieved so far. I am grateful for their engagement and look forward to further and decisive progress in the coming days. Peace is within our… pic.twitter.com/fMHxWV0jgl

— Badr Albusaidi - بدر البوسعيدي (@badralbusaidi) February 27, 2026

Never trust the western governments. In a rare moment UK seems to be keeping it's promise of partial (it will still be on a 99 year lease) decolonozation of Chagos Islands this time. Despite having a bit of complicated relationship with Indian Goverment, Ro Khanna have taken a principled stand.

Trump has launched an illegal regime change war in Iran with American lives at risk. Congress must convene on Monday to vote on @RepThomasMassie & my WPR to stop this. Every member of Congress should go on record this weekend on how they will vote. pic.twitter.com/tlRi3Vz849

— Ro Khanna (@RoKhanna) February 28, 2026

Where it is purely on technical US Congress vs Presidential Powers debate or more fundemental US have no business here remains to be seen. I haven't seen any Pro Iran stance by any government save for Russia, which have been driven into a Pariah status itself and is ironically doing much worse to Ukraine than is happening in Iran. The next closest seems to be the Indonesian offer of mediation. The grifter and self styled Shah in exile is once again back to his grifting. One may, and I most certainly, have problems with domestic policies of Iran but this is not way to treat of sovereign nation. This is just the regular bullying of Global South. So just for today, Iran Zindabad. One can do nothing, I will just plug in Iran's powerful statment knowing that the worst case that Irani administration is replaced by some western puppet is not really a fantasy at this point. 

Statement of the Ministry of Foreign Affairs of the Islamic Republic of Iran
Regarding the military aggression by the Zionist regime and the United States against #Iran

Heroic and noble people of Iran,
Iranian compatriots,

Our sacred and beloved homeland, proud and…

— Aditya Raj Kaul (@AdityaRajKaul) February 28, 2026

सब सेट है, पर ठीक नहीं — पंद्रहवीं रैंक का इवान्

 हाल में ही CSIR Net का Result निकला। देश भर में रैंक 15 है। ख्याल था कि लेक्चरशिप का कटऑफ होगा, और असल में 15 रैंक है।

न उम्मीद थी, न कुछ और। कैसे हुआ, ये भी पता नहीं। यह तीसरी दफ़ा थी जब इस इम्तिहान का फॉर्म भरा था। पहली बार 2024 में था। उस समय तो पोस्टपोन हो गया था, NTA में चीटिंग वगैरह का कुछ मामला था। उस समय थोड़ी-बहुत तैयारी की थी, लेकिन सेंटर नोएडा में आया था। जब एग्जाम हुआ तो मेरी छुट्टियाँ खत्म हो गई थीं और मैं इधर ओडिशा में था, इसलिए दे नहीं पाया। उसके बाद दिसंबर 2024 में बाय-लॉज़ में कुछ बदलाव किए गए, जिससे हम लोग एलिजिबल ही नहीं रहे, तो फिर नहीं दे पाया। फिर गर्मी 2025 में दिया, कुछ नंबर से लेक्चरशिप रह गई। फिर अब दिया। तैयारी तो नहीं की थी। सिलेबस का तो अभी तक मुझे ज्ञान ही नहीं हुआ है। हफ्ते भर पहले तक CAM में था, फिर आकर एक शादी में गया था। कब ही पढ़ता? और वैसे भी न पढ़ने की इच्छा थी, न इस बार देने की। DD ने करीब-करीब ब्लैकमेल करके ही फॉर्म भरवाया था।  लोग मानते नहीं, सोचते हैं अकड़ रहा हूँ। मुँह पर तो कोई बोल नहीं पाता, लेकिन सोचना लाज़िमी है। अब खैर, ये कि DJ Khalid का Suffering From Success है। मज़ाक अपनी जगह, सच में मैंने कुछ नहीं पढ़ा था। हाँ, 3 दिन, और सिर्फ 3 दिन, DD के साथ पेपर बनाने बैठा था, लेकिन फिर मनमुटाव से, समय मैच न होने से और ऐसे ही कुछ मन की बातों से वह टूट गया। उसका नहीं हुआ। 0.4 से लेक्चरशिप रह गई। किस्मत की ही तो बात है, बहुत हद तक। कभी-कभी लगता है कि Fresh Off the Boat खत्म कर दिया, बहुत अच्छा लगा, अब किताब भी पढ़ूँगा कि मैं एडी हुआंग जैसा हूँ। उसके SAT में ऐसे ही बिना पढ़े 1600 आ गए थे। बचपन से ही वह स्कूल में भी बिना पढ़े कर लेता था। उसका सबसे छोटा भाई इवान् इस बात से चिढ़ जाता है कि उसके लिए कितना आसान है और जीवन कितना अन्यायपूर्ण है। डायलॉग ही देख लेते हैं:

Evan: You're both naturals, and I'm a sucker who has to put in the work.
Eddie: Dude, you're a straight-A student. Who cares?
Evan: I care because I have to earn it. You guys just wake up and it's there.

मेरे जीवन में कोई इवान् नहीं, तो मेरी अंतर्चेतना ही इवान् बन बैठी है। मुझसे पूछती रहती है। पाठक सोचेगा कि क्यों बड़बड़ा रहा है ये, इसका तो सब सेट है। हाँ, शायद सेट है, लेकिन सही नहीं लग रहा। शायद इसी भावना को लेकर पाश्चात्य में “प्रिविलेज” को लेकर इतना खेल होता है। अभी Crazy Ex-Girlfriend (यह भी अच्छा था, पूरा देख लिया, मानसिक स्वास्थ्य का संदेश देने वाला सिटकॉम है) देख रहा था। उसमें भी एक एपिसोड में नाथेनियल प्लिम्प्टन तृतीय को ऐसी चीज़ का एहसास होता है और फिर वह इस बारे में बोलता ही जाता है। क्या मैं भी उसकी तरह हूँ?

लेकिन सब कुछ भी तो नहीं मिला। श्यामा प्रसाद मुखर्जी फ़ेलोशिप लगती है कि मिल सकती है, लेकिन 15 रैंक आकर भी नहीं मिलेगी, क्योंकि जनरल में पहले 14 ही लोगों को बुलाते हैं। चलो, सब तो सही नहीं है। और हाँ, एग्ज़ाम आ रहे हैं। पहले भी लिखा था, जिसमें ऑपरेटर थ्योरी का कुछ अता-पता नहीं था, आज भी स्थिति बदली नहीं है।

 बरहामपुर वाले में चयन हो गया वैसे। GATE में आजकल AI से उत्तर मिला सकते हैं, उसका भी देखकर लग रहा है कि शायद 100 के अंदर रैंक आएगी। और लोगों की मानें तो 25 के अंदर। पहले एक बार निकल गया था, 616 रैंक। लेकिन मुझे एहसास ही नहीं कि यह अच्छा है या खराब। इन सबकी सभ्यता से अलग ही हो गया हूँ मैं। इंजीनियरिंग करनी तो थी नहीं मुझे, लेकिन JEE कल्चर से बहुत हद तक जुड़ा हुआ था मैं। Kota Factory
 भी देखी थी। पहला शो था मेरा, और उस समय सोचा था यही है। 

खैर, ये बात तो पुरानी है। फिलहाल इस हफ्ते के एग्ज़ाम के लिए ही पढ़ना चाहिए मुझे, कम से कम कोशिश तो करें।

Departmental Picnics, Operator Algebras and why Calrson wins over Calculus at this stage

 Next week will hopefully be the last mid sems of my life, soon after will be the last end sems and in the months following that will be my Comprehensive exams, marking the end of my exam-taking career. This looks so exciting, much life before the class 12 boards, which marked the end of my school career, but exactly like the last time my mind has raced ahead and my motivation to study for these exams is zero. Haven't yet even tried to open the textbooks. I usually spend my time reading for my research or for pleasure these days. Some Wizards of Waverly Place thrown in between, or recommendation (see balckmal) of DD, for good measure.

This is just as the post exam phrase I had previously described. Mind is a poet, and as they say, "जहाँ न पहुँचे रवि, वहाँ पहुँचे कवि. And indeed, the Sun is bound by the laws of time and is scheduled to rise about 200 times to meet the temporal place my mind has occupied as of present, 

I think despite all the warnings from seniors, Algebraic Topology is easier than expected. Currently, we are following Munkres for the Homotopy part, and after middsems another text will be followed for the Homology part. Perhaps it is so because we learnt a lot more than required stuff about fundamental groups in our first topology course. Anyway, one subject being easier is good. As for Operator Theory, while the syllabus for the course looks like this:

Compact operators on Hilbert Spaces. (a) Fredholm Theory (b) Index, C*-algebras - noncommutative states and representations, Gelfand-Neumark representation theorem, Von-Neumann Algebras; Projections, Double Commutant theorem, L∞ functionalCalculus, Toeplitz operators

In reality, due to a combination of department politics and egos of people involved, the course has morphed into some combination of Operator Algebra and von Neumann Algebra and Harmonic Analysis course following the legacy of VS Sundar, being mostly taught from Stratila & Zsido's Lectures on von Neumann Algebras and Javier's Fourier Analysis. This feels like a betrayal. The same politics have led to WCNH attendee list looking like a family picnic of certain academicians. The Douglas clan is evidently not invited. The ugly departmental politics aside, I have been a bad picker of electives anyway. 

On a side note, I had to cancel the prospective Sampablpur trip due to clashing with the exams. Now looking at the Mini workshop: Cantor set & Brownian motion at IISER Berhampur at the end of March. Anyway, ranting over, I do need to look at those vNA notes, but only after a few more hours with Carleson (1962) whose end is now in sight. 

A couple of days at ICAAA & 53rd OMS

 So last week I went to the  International Conference on "Advances in Analysis and its Applications" & 53rd Annual Conference of OMS held at IMA. It was my second time at IMA (I once mentioned that that conference might have been useful after all, but on further checking the litreaure the links never materialised) , but people have already started to think that I did my BSc at IMA due to familiarity with the routes to and fro from NIESR to IMA as well as the inner workings of IMA.

The conference itself was lacklustre, many applied talks that were very, very relaxed about regounress. and the parallel sessions were ill thought out (they were not grouped by either Age or Topic, what criteria they came up with, or they were able to conjure up a true RNG machine after IISC is beyond me). 

In short didn't actually learn much, for most talks were tangential to what I do. I did get to see my academic grandfather and Shanti Swarup Bhatnagar Awardee Gadadhar Misra. His talk was interesting, on Grothendieck's constant. Last time at IMO de didn't present anything but were just some sort of chief guest or organiser. Neither time did I have the courage to introduce myself, but my seniors here too haven't done that yet. Time will come, surely. Sudarsan Nanda's talk was also intresting and it was also very rich with personal anecdotes with G Das.

G Das is apparently a titan of Odia mathematics and perhaps indirectly responsible for my own PhD. I had the fortune to see him at the last conference at IMA. I didn't really recognise that then, my main takeaway was a joke at the expense of his son's name (Epsilon Das). 'बंदर क्या जाने अदरक का स्वाद'  and all that. Anyway, at OMS, they do seemto respect the elders a lot. 

×

❮ ❯

Moving to the more practical side, the food was better, and we got a bag a odia magzine and a printed version of JOMS. My first printed Journal! 

I do want to attend National Conference on Geometric Function Theory and Special Functions (NCGFTSF 2026), which is more aligned with my research area, but there seems to be some scheduling issue with my mid sem exams. I only hope it works out. 

Agnivesh Bhaiya Om Shanti and I am ashamed of myself

Today is the darkest day of my life.

My beloved son, Agnivesh, left us far too soon. He was just 49 years old, healthy, full of life, and dreams. Following a skiing accident in the US, he was recovering well in Mount Sinai Hospital, New York. We believed the worst was behind us.… pic.twitter.com/hDQEDNI262

— Anil Agarwal (@AnilAgarwal_Ved) January 7, 2026

Saw the tweet early in the morning, and I literally felt nothing. The coldness of Jatani seems to have penetrated my heart. Didn't even bother to read the full thing. A part of me felt as if the father is trying engagement farming over this death. No sympathy, no empathy. Then saw this tweet by Modi like 15 minutes ago.

The untimely passing of Shri Agnivesh Agarwal is deeply shocking and saddening. The depth of your grief is evident in this touching tribute. Praying that you and your family find continued strength and courage. Om Shanti.@AnilAgarwal_Ved https://t.co/qn0DBuBj2S

— Narendra Modi (@narendramodi) January 8, 2026

Why is the Prime Minister QTing this? Is this some MP? Some big man? Oh, the bio says "Chairman - Vedanta Group". Wait, Vedanata group of the (unfortunately named) POSCO mines fame? The one that was unfairly shut down due to activists? Yes that one./ 

And what was my first reaction? Not realization of सस्यमिव मर्त्यः पच्यते सस्यमिवाजायते पुनः, not even an Om Shanti, not even a cynical smile and ghastly glee some in the "Eat the Rich" circles may be having. It was to Open Groow and see if I can buy the dip! All this while पिया तू अब तो आ जा plays in the background.

And that I did.

The stock is on an all-time high, and even before today's dip the consensus was:

Following the latest surge, Vedanta has surpassed Emkay Global's target of Rs 625. Emkay had recommended BUY on Vedanta due to its subsidiary Hindustan Zinc benefiting from latest silver rates rally. It said that time, "FY27 management guidance for zinc output is ≥1,080kt and for silver production ~700t-positioned in the first quartile on the global zinc cost curve; minimal hedging for FY27 reflects the management's firm belief about structural silver tightness and supports a price-led earnings upside. At spot prices, we estimate EBITDA of Rs258bn vs consensus' Rs220bn, a ~17% upgrade potential. Each USD1/oz move in silver price changes HZ's EBITDA by

1%. We believe that silver exposure is underpriced and the recent runup in the HZ and VEDL stock price reflects earnings upgrade potential."

Overall, the consensus recommendation from 13 analysts for Vedanta is BUY, as per Trendlyne data.

This is an objectively good trade I think, well as objective as one can be in the stock market. But I feel like I am a bad person, someone's son (and I assume heir apparent) dies and my thought is if I can profit? I am not a Marxist who thinks that they are rich off exploited labour, so they are bad persons and suppress any need for sympathy for that class. No, that's not my worldview. But still, I can't feel much. I feel bad only for I can't feel bad, this is my problem. I am ashamed that my thoughts were directed to the stocks, to my Algebraic Topology class about to start in 10 minutes, to the fact that I have heard this song somewhere (they put it in Dhurandhar, which I watched twice in the Cinema!), and whether or not I should drink my milk now. 

I don't even know if not I can function in human society. I am perhaps too numbed for everything. 

My Year in Books: 2025

 The twice teased Year in Books 2025 is finally here after a gap of a year. I will present it without further ado. 

48 was a good number of reads, I think, considering the whole PhD business and also that this blog has also picked up steam. Much better than 30 last year (also, since I did not write a Blog post, it's worse). I don’t think I am going back to the near-century of 2023, but that’s fine. I chose my life. Many decades later, I’ll get that century; for now, it’s the Corona Problem that has my attention.

I was thinking that 2.9 average rating meant it was a bad year for books, but it was a 2.8 in 2023! Both good and enjoyable years of reading. Guess I beat the whole "Bad is stronger than good" thing.

 अक्रोधेन जयेत् क्रोधम् असाधुं साधुना जयेत्. 

One thing that changed this year is that my little brother got into reading too. That, and the fact that I have DD. Two book buddies was not a thing I previously had. And it does help.

Anyway, the year started with a string of thrillers that DD lent me (read: forced me to read), because I once said I don't like thrillers much. Okay, I had restarted reading with them once, but they seemed to get repetitive and boring after some time. I think it was Suheldev & the Battle of Bahraich and The Vault of Vishnu which finally killed the genre for me. But still the year started with  How to Kill Your Family, A Good Girl's Guide to Murder, The Silent Patient and Verity. This, I think, is the Thriller-Girl on Bookstagram starter pack canon. I wouldn't know, since I am not on IG. But DD is, and she keeps sending me reels on WhatsApp. They sometimes feel so relatable that I think DD directs them. These books were different from the ones I had previously read. Much darker, more real, with more sass, with actual emotions rather than cardboard characters, and more adult than what a middle-schooler thinks “adult” is. Also, the female POV feels different. I think my previous exposure to it was limited to Pride and Prejudice (which I didn't like). I also like the aspect that MC may be an unreliable narrator. अन्यत्तृणमिव त्याज्यमप्युक्तं पद्मजन्मना indeed. I went ahead and got my own books in the genre. Lights Out and I Was a Teenage Slasher (whose review I xposted on this blog) didn't work, while I was hooked on Gone Girl. 

Speaking of reviews, I started xposting some GR reviews here. Sometimes they are not even reviews but just my musings, or a longer review than one n GR, field notes as I go on reading or even multipart deep dives like for Makers of Modern Dalit History. I think it was one of the posts that got me back to writing on the blog, the blog did pick up some steam before that, but it was the tuboboost in some ways. I have written more about this exponential growth in posts here. There is something calming about writing these posts, even if no one reads this, and writing on the books is one of the main goals I started the blog with. I really wish GR showed the number of reviews written rather than just the first and last one. 

Speaking of my brother, my parents are surprisingly more lenient with him. Well, there is a 10 year gap between up and the change in parenting style shows. I read library books secretly, and this one gets taken to the Pragati Maidan Book Fair. Just how the time changes. This anyway it nice for me. I can read his books when back in Faridabad. Read Percy Jackson this way, and I was disappointed. Harry Potter is the one true boy wizard for me. The Choosen One. Ditto for The Alchemist. Don't get the hype of either. Days at the Morisaki Bookshop, however, was a warm, cozy book that I really liked. Liked enough to gift him Days at the Torunka Café. I also did read, but it doesn't hold up to the first book.

Speaking of books I didn't write, I think it starts with Butter. There seems to be a Tsunami of warm, cozy Japanese novels in the Indian market. But book this, I don't like. Vector: A Surprising Story of Space, Time, and Mathematical Transformation (which I got in a Hardcover, thanks to the DAE contingency grant) was another bad book early in the year. वर्जिन is a free poetry collection I saw years ago on Google Books, I finally gave it a serious read this year, but still bad. Also, I should not have picked up Lords of Wrath as my introduction to Dark Romance. I have not picked another since. I tried That Night to find a good Indian written Thriller, but was disappointed too. The Fractal Murders was a good title on bad writing and a story. I think the 2.9 rating is starting to make sense now. 

Given my trade, there were obviously Maths textbooks. While a lot of Krantz's is good, Axler's MIRA stood out the most.  And the year ended finally with the warm yet depressing Dept. of Speculation.

Reading Goals 2026

1. 30 Books.
2. Complete Ambedkar's जात-पांत का विनाश.
3. 1 book in (not on) Sanskrit.
4. 4 books in Hindi.
   
5. 1 book in Urdu Script (which I will learn via this book).
6. 1 book by Savarkar.
7. 3 Books from the "Ideologically Opposite" Camp.
8. Read the History of the decline and fall of the Roman Empire Vol.- 1
9. 1 Indian Autobiography.
10. 1 book on some current policy debate.

Some of these are still uncompleted items from 2023, but the year is still young. We will meet again next time this year to take stock of this. 

ये नव वर्ष हमे स्वीकार नहीं

 ये नव वर्ष हमे स्वीकार नहीं
है अपना ये त्यौहार नहीं
है अपनी ये तो रीत नहीं
है अपना ये व्यवहार नहीं

राष्ट्रकवि दिनकर कि इन पंक्तियों से एक तरफ में सहमत हूं। आज नववर्ष है, कम से कम अंग्रेज़ी कैलेंडर में देखे तो, लेकिन कुछ अलग आ नहीं लग रहा। "उमंग नहीं"। कैसे होगी? 31 से नाईजर जाना था। कोहरे से फ़्लाइट कैंसिल हो गई। कोहरा तो है दरअसल। अब तत्काल में रेल से जा रहें हैं। 2 को पहुंचेंगे, देरी हो यदि, जोकि इस मौसम में होगी ही, तो शायद कल का पैसा भी गया। 3 दिन का गया। अब गया सो गया, क्या ही कर सकते हैं? पैसों को तो हाथों का मैल कहा गया है (हे भगवान, इस साल हाथ और मैले के देना) लेकिन समय तो अनमोल है ना? 3 दिन नष्ट। स्वाहा। सोचा था न्यू ईयर में कुछ नया प्लेन बनेगा, जीवन बदल देंगे। सही पटरी पर अब अपनी गाड़ी चाहेली। करने का तो 2 को भी कर सकते हैं, लेकिन Fresh Start Effect भी एक चीज़ है। केवल दिमाग का खेल है ये तो, ये मात्र ज्ञान है, श्रवण है। इससे तो काम चलता नहीं। शास्त्रों में कहा ही गया है–

आवृत्तिः असकृदुपदेशात्

और हमने मनन कहां किया? खैर, शायद 4 तारीख, साल का पहला सोमवार और नए सेमेस्टर का पहला दिन एक अच्छी Fresh Start बन सकता हो। 

नहीं कहूंगा कि न्यू ईयर से पूरी तरफ ताल्लुकात खत्म है मेरा। ये जो Wrapped जैसे data अलग अलग जगह आतें हैं उन्हें देखना बेहद पसंद है मुझे। संगीन का तो इधर भी साझा कर चुका हूँ, GR का आ गया लेकिन रेल में लिख न पाऊंगा। जाके एक और काम। लेकिन लिखना होगा। इस साल ने बहुत कुछ बदला है मुझमें। 

लेकिन खबरदार, जब में साल खाता हूँ तो मेरा मतलब 2025 से नहीं बल्कि एक साल के अंतराल से है। यदि कल फैसला हो की अब ये से सब 18 अगस्त को होगा, तो भी कोई एतराज़ नहीं होगा। साल साल होता है। ईसा मसीह के जन्म या सम्राट विक्रमादित्य की ताजपोशी से गिनने की आकाशवता मालूम नहीं होती मुझे। इधर मेरा राष्ट्रकवि से मतभेद दिखता है। दिनकर कि माने तो

तब चैत्र शुक्ल की प्रथम तिथि
नव वर्ष मनाया जायेगा

हालांकि दिनकर का अनुयाई हूँ मैं, किन्तु इधर न साथ दे सकूंगा। वहां रघुवीर सहाय की शरण में ही हूँ मैं। 

रेल में हिंजड़े आए अभी। 200 का पत्ता गया। नया साल बनाना है इन्हें भी। आमतौर पर तो 10 20 का मामला होता है। कंगाली में आटा गिला रे दादा। 

लेकिन सहाय का जो कहना था वो आज तो और भी aatik है। इंसान प्रगति के चक्कर से आउट ऑफ सिंक हो लगा है। तरक्की की ये कुर्बानी है। लेकिन मेरा निजी अनुभव में एक विरोधाभास है, प्रकृति के निकटतम में रांची अथवा जटनी मे नहीं बल्कि बैंगलुरु में पाता हूँ। और हां बैंगलुरु, बंगलौर नहीं, एक हफ्ते में विचार बदल गया मेरा। शायद प्रकृति का भी एक Laffer Curve है।

बात रही साल की तो, घंटा ही फ़रक न पड़े लेकिन जमाने का ऊसूल है तो, साल मुबारक!

Minutes from Dept. of Speculation

I have been reading Dept. of Speculation as one last quick read this year. Well it's the last day. The book feels very soft, lullaby like, narrated as a stream of consciousness, almost lyrical, poetic. It is Bouba not Kiki. It's really somehow soft and warm. Warm and mildly depressing, if that makes sense? 

At times I can relate to it in weird ways. But in Chapter 20, the sentence caught my eye:

My husband is hunched over his computer, just as he was when I went in. All day long he has been following the news about an earthquake in another country. Every time the death count is updated, he updates me...

This is exactly where I find myself sometimes. Obsessed over some incident which doesn't affect me at all. It's not sympathy, not even morbid curiosity. It is just what it is. Perhaps it's Kabir-esque :

कबीरा खड़ा बाज़ार में, सबकी मांगे खैर

ना काहू से दोस्ती, ना काहू से बैर

Not that too. This is just Sant Kabir simplifying कर्मण्येवाधिकारस्ते for the common man. I am much below that level of detachment. I care about outcome. It might even be playing a Watcher as in MCU. Perhaps not, I discovered the concept of Watchers much later in life. BR Chopra's Mahabharat' Main Samay Hoon will be a much earlier, more connected and likely influence. Anyway I like the feeling of detachment. It's the same- warm yet mildly depressing. It's not vedantic detached observer, I have too much vainful pride in my knowledge. And the mere act of knowledge provides me joy. I am the one Adi Shakar warned सम्प्राप्ते सन्निहिते काले, नहि नहि रक्षति डुकृञ्करणे . I should really finish Kathopanishad along with Swami Sarvapriyananda's lectures that I have started earlier. Long back. Back when home was like home. 

It could be ward election is some random city of a state I have never visited. Or it might be a war in the Caucasian region. Or even Japanese aid to Central Asian nations. I will haunt the subreddits, lurk on the Twitter spheres, dig into JSTOR and devour PhD theses. 

Unlike the husband (Offill hasn't named him yet, and I don't think it is required, why do we even name our characters? This though and the foggy cold Faridabad morning reminds me of Dwivedi's Kutuj. He writing escaped me at forst - good typo? But it should be first- but later when I understood it it provided me with much warmth, icy cold Himalayan warmth) I don't share this with anyone. Not that I don't want to. I have no one. Who will watch the watcher? The wife is stuck. I have no wife, no love life either. Perhaps this is why I started the blog. Indeed that's the reason. I can at least scream into void that Government says 23 dead but the local press are reporting between 50 to 64. Nobody would care, I won't get a polite hmmm mandated by the Agni. Still it's better than something. This is not depressing, it's the opposite infact. 

Earthquakes are interesting things. Certain animals can feel them in advance. DD have a talent to feel one even if miniscule. My mother, on the other hand, can feel one even if it is not there lacking! 

I have been off Reddit for some time. PhD eats away your time. Well, we are JRFs, employee of Department of Atomic Energy now, can't blame them. Hopefully SRF soon. It matters, for apparently seniority matters even for missiles. But technology have been progressing. The Japanese can now predict earthquakes. I never bothered to read how they do it, but it sounds mind boggling. But they are Japanese, and as the old Indo-Japan joke goes, they say "Of none can do, I will do it." Something worth learning rather than that the normal punch line. Perhaps observe them, with the regular earthquakes. 

CAM Diaries: Post Lecture Learning

 While the actual learning in the lectures have almost came to a stall, I still have learned a lot here. First of all I was wrong, one can't lump Bengaluru with Delhi, it is an ideal mix of Delhi and Odisha. It is a metro city where the seasons matters. At least Yelahanka is such as area. My threpatic walks have lead me to take steps in just 4 days I normally take in a week. 

It is indeed ironical that walks here are more conductive. Greenery, elegant temples and just the, dare I use that word, vibes in general are unmatched. I should indeed study Kannada temple art, this is fascinating. I have never been into architecture before, but I do need it now. Just another thing I do need to know. 

One thing that I am required to know is that the workshop was about since the last lecture begins in like half an hour. I can hear Ismail bhai locking his door, perhaps to breakfast before going to the lecture hall. It's not that I am totally lost. I have a big picture idea. I just think that this is so divorced from my work that I am not putting on the elbow grease. But I did learn a lot about workshops, grants, reaserch life, paper publishing and collaboration from fellow but senior attendees. Who am I kidding, 90% of my information comes from my roommate who is 5th year PhD in IIT Roorkee. But still, I think it is very useful and I would have never encountered it at NISER. As for the lectures, we still have t actually solved the original SPDE promised. Today, perhaps. But I think the model algebra and trees are similar to something I saw at the IMA Conference on Geometry and Topology in the Honour of Prof. M. S. Raghunathan, F. R. S. I dont exactly recall who, but I do have my notes back at NISER. It was a talk about algebric computation or something should I be remembering correctly. Don't think it's a one one correspondence, but still I think recalling that might be useful. 

While I try to plot these connections of ideas, the streets outside are highly connected. Like too much I think. The neighborhood is semicircular. All the radial streets are called Main Roads. And the one normal to them are called cross roads. Is is indeed a geometric layout, fitting of hosting TIFR CAM. We, LB and I, went to ICTS yesterday. That thing doesn't look Indian. Nah. Truly international. But in an outside locality. Bad connectivity. Yelankha on the other hand is very well connected. 401 bus are like a dense subset of the streets. During our walls, LB and I love to explore random cross roads and look and comment at the houses. They look so peaceful and posh. My working theory is a lot of them are retirees. This is indeed a good area to retire. Langauge barrier will be the only problem. My kannada level is at "Anna eradu ticket beku". English will take me far, but need to learn Kannada should one aspire to retire here. But that is talk of day after tommorow. Today the more pressing matters is end of workshop. 

CAM Diaries: It goes over head now

 Three days of lectures have passed as quickly as these lavish bedroom in my CAM appartments  lulls me to sleep. Faster than Ismail Bhai's (for I can't properly pronounce the Ismaël Bailleul) words flew over our head. The darkness of ignorance is like in which I left NISER.  No तमसो मा ज्योतिर्गमय granted yet. The thing is this workshop is about solving certain singular parabolic heat type Stochastic PDEs with a novel renormalization technique developed by Fields Medalist Hairer. Phew. Long sentance. Knew it was out of my bounds much earlier. Ismail bhai thinks that it is the Hopf algebraic structure of Models and regularity which might be a problem. But that part sits well with me. My problem is the standard PDE ailment. Kesavan avoids in as does R sir, but they are outsiders to the field. So am I. Perhaps that point of view is what suits me. But I think a lot many "natives" are also lost in the workshop. LB most certainly is. This I know from our long walks. Other I talked to are in the same boat too. But even as an outsider, since I work in Corona Problem, PDE is an important tool in my toolbox. I have been in an search of the elusive proof Hall's Lemma.  There is an 1983 paper which derives it using Stochastic methods. Which was one motive to come here. But alas it didn't help directly. But now I feel now confident to actually tackle the '83 paper rather than cowering hearing Stochastic. Anyway random pics from the walk today. 

CAM Diaries: दिग्गज, दोस्त और दिव्यता

एक दिन वर्कशॉप का बीत गया। एक थोड़ा बहुत बस idea सा लगा कि क्या हुआ लेकिन कुछ ठोस नहीं। अब जिस विषय में क ख ग का ही अंदाज़ा ना था, उसमें यदि 2021 के पेपर को पेश किया जाए तो इतना भी बहुत बड़ी बात है। काम cutting edge है एकदम। और बहुत लंबा चौड़ा, तो ऊपर ऊपर से ही बताया जा रहा है। इस्माइल भाई वर्ता है, और कल रात पता चला कि मेरे ही साथ वाले कमरे में ठहराएं गएं हैं। नामी दिग्गज है, उनके पास रुकना ही तो सम्मान की बात है। मुझे भी एक आलिशान अपार्टमेंट मिला है। रूड़की के एक भईया के साथ मिला है लेकिन ये इसकी तो रसोई ही मेरे निजी के कक्ष से बड़ी है। निजी लैट्रिन है। खाना भी एक नम्बर है और सस्ता भी। काश 2023 में इधर मुझे ले लेते, दिल तो बस गया हे इधर। जाते वक़्त दुःख होगा। अब क्या ही कर सकते हैं। आस पास का इलाका भी शान्त साफ़ सुथरा है। सुबह शाम टहलने जाना भी एक Therapy है इधर तो। आज सुबह ही गली में एक सुन्दर का मंदिर मिला।

भव्य मंदिर होते हैं गली गली गंगापट्टी के बाहर। देखकर ही दिल में दिव्यता का अनुभव होता है।

वैसे तो इधर जो है मेरे काम से बाहर है। लेकिन आज और कल इस्माईल भाई बोले हैं कि कुछ tools develop करेंगे जो analysis में काम आएंगे। The mechanics of local expansion और Renormalised continuous models । अभी तो हवा तक नहीं की ये क्या है। देखते है भविष्य में क्या होता है । पलक्कड़ में गए थे और ज़्यादा सीखे नहीं, बुरा लगा था। इधर नहीं लग रहा लेकिन। LB के साथ खाना, चाय, घूमने का ही कार्यक्रम करते रहते हैं। पिछले 6 महीने छोटी सी कक्षा में पढ़े तो दोस्ती तो बढ़ गई थी, अब तो बिलकुल भाई बहिन ही हो गए हैं। अच्छा है। कुछ तो फायदा हुआ। लेकिन नहीं सीखने का प्रयास करना है, बिना टेंशन के लेकिन ।अब जाना होगा दूसरे Lecture के लिए। चलते हैं।

NISER to CAM with Azithromycin

 It's 3 am and it's pitch black inside. Skipped bath. Bath, irrespective of the water temperature - which anyone needs to be regulated by my induction for the geyser works in timming nobody knows and nobody can change - and duration, would have resulted in death due to my cold which have survived 5 Azithromycins. Still I must leave for the SPDEs workshop I have been talking of again and again. The car won't come to the hostel, for there is some nonsensical rule about gate timming which is sporadically implemented, perhaps the workshop will help with this knowledge. Yet in the half dead state I must push on, push on I must. 

Arrived at Bangalore, or Bangluru as one have to say it now. Flight was not at all how I assumed it would be. It was nice. While apparently sinus worsening in flight or Aerosinusitis is a real thing, in my case the pressure difference seemed to have made some nudges in the postive direction. Nah, not nudges, particularly potent proding it was. It am all but almost cured. The Banglore skyline, welcoming me for the third time (and second time when I am headed for CAM) camouflaged itself like the early November Delhi smog, minus the smoke. So yeah just fog. I almost forgot how nice it felt in childhood when we could experience pure(ish) fog. And the excellent BMTC and KIA brings me and the batchmate LB at the gates of TIFR CAM. 

Workshop starts from tomorrow, as does hopefully my learnings too. Now it's just unpack, wait, relax and watch.

काम पूरा हुआ? Happily Ever After का भ्रम

 किसी भी बड़े काम को छोटे छोटे कामों में बात लिया जाए और फिर क्रमबद्ध तरीके से करें तो आसानी होगी। ये एक जग प्रसिद्ध उक्ति है। मुझे कभी तर्क समझ नहीं आया। आखि़र तो काम पूरा ही करना है, और मनोविज्ञान तोर से तो यदि हम एक काम कर लें तो एक आलस्य आ जाता है। अभी 4 दिन पहेली सेमिनार हो गया , तब से एक नया काम नहीं हुआ अपने लिए। DD और नई लड़की जिसका ज़िक्र एक दफ़ा किया था उनका थोड़ा ज़्यादा मदद किया। बाकियों का भी इधर उधर कुछ। लेकिन रूम में झाड़ू भी लगा दे ये नहीं होता साहस। आगे क्या पढ़ना है कुछ रखें हैं, लेकिन ये मोहिम भी यहीं तक सीमित है।

दरअसल कुछ सफल हो, जैसे ये सेमिनार या पहले भी कोई परीक्षा, तो जो अंदरूनी सुकून आता है और आगे काम में मन नहीं लगता । इति समापन । ॐ शांति शांति शांति। लेकिन ये सब फ़िल्मों किताबों की बाते हैं कि Lived Happily Ever After | असल में तो एक ही यात्रा अंतिम है, एक ही धाम मुक्ति धाम। उससे पहले किसी मंजिल में नहीं है आराम। आखिर आराम हराम है। लेकिन हम शायद हरामखोर ही हैं। कठोपनिषद्  में भी अंत और मोक्ष के बारे में कुछ ऐसा ही कहा गया है, स्वामी सर्वप्रियानंद से यूट्यूब पे देख कर पढ़ रहा था एक समय। लेकिन बीच में छूट गया तो छूट ही गया। अब देखते हैं, फिर से चालू करने का मन को बहुत है। शायद ज़ेनो की भी गलती ये ही थी कि को काम को भाग भाग में तोड़ देता था, आत्मा एक है और कर्म का हिसाब भी अथक हो रहा है, तो शायद जीवन को भागों में और काम को उपक्रमों में नहीं तोड़ना चाहिए।

Post seminar debriefing

 वर्षों तक वन में घूम घूम, बाधा विघ्नों को चूम चूम
सह धूप घाम पानी पत्थर, पांडव आये कुछ और निखर
सौभाग्य न सब दिन होता है, देखें आगे क्या होता है

-Ramdhari Singh Dinkar in Rashmirathi


If I may be dramatic, and being dramatic is what I suppose I am at least entitled as of now, and quote Dinkar, yes, my luck has woken up. And woke it did, at 1600 on the 25th. Yes, the 25th I called dreaded on the day itself. It has been kinder to me that I had been to it in times of tension. Even when ungrateful, I have somehow still been treated kindly, I have been a lucky man most of my life. In this way, at least. Well by topic was nice too, I got to show an image from a news article titled Solar Eclipse 2019 in India: Best Places to Spot the Annular Solar Eclipse in India   in a maths talk. It does look beautiful. 

Dare, and that I will for I am on my entitlement period as abovementioned, I say it looks better in the slides. 

Ek aur https://t.co/XdKn8B4h3w pic.twitter.com/ml7WF8y3l6

— Aryan Kumar Prasad (@Aryan_AKP) November 27, 2025

Gloating over what I call aesthetics (my lack of taste of which will be clear from the Blog's theme) and success aside, lets go over the talk. There were faces I didn't expect to come. Like last semester, R Sir made an unexpected entry. But this time, like in my Seminar for his class and unlike the RKHS Seminar in April, he was more content and fine rather than bewildered and bored as one normally sees him during talks. This was the highest praise I got from the seminar. This trumps multiple audience members and 2 committeemen letting me know that my talk was good. Even Panchalli, of the-algebraist-taking-advanced-PDE fame, said that it was the most entertaining talk of the session and the only one where she did not feel sleepy, even if I understood nought. My talk did not have elaborate poetry or such, or jokes or gimmicks as some love to add. The most "gimmicky" thing was the photo of the Solar Corona to explain why the Corona problem is called so. But blame Newman for coining the term. This one ain't on me. 

My narrative structure did work, it seems. But one committee member, better known as Fatakeshto for his in-seminar antics, he told at the end of the talk that "you promised to take us to Kashmir, but took us to Daringbadi. I was not bad, but misleading". But I still think the talk would be too bland without the "clickbait" of the Kashmiri Corona Problem.  Estimates are dry, pure estimates might catch the fancy of some, but I think motivation, and mind you I ask of no dastardly "real world" applications, for estimations are needed. And hopefully, next semester, I will be completing reading Carleson (1970) , with of course help from Garnett which unlike Duren has actual complete proofs., and take the committee to Kashmir, but only if  तुने मुझे बुलाया शेरा वालिये, मैं आया मैं आया शेरा वालिये . That's it, hopefully no more seminar talk for six months. 

Pre Seminar briefing

 The dreaded 25th has arrived. There have been no 'gentle reminder' but my guide has already announced my talk before:

Dear all, 
This is an announcement of a math seminar by an integrated MSc-PhD student. The details are as follows.
Speaker: Aryan Kumar Prasad
Date and Time: 25-11-2025, 4:00 PM - 5:00 PM.
Venue: SMS Seminar Room.
Title: Zeros and Factorization of Bounded  Analytic Functions
Abstract: In 1962, Lennart Carleson solved the Corona Conjecture, a major problem concerning the maximal ideal space of the algebra of bounded analytic functions on the unit disk. Carleson proved the result by solving an equivalent analytic formulation known as the Bezout problem, or the reduced corona problem. The proof relies on precise estimates of the moduli of bounded analytic functions, which in turn require an understanding of how these functions vanish. In this talk, we will derive the necessary and sufficient conditions for the zeros of a bounded analytic function and construct the canonical factorization using Blaschke products.
All are cordially invited.

Slides are also made, the report submitted and printed out. Mocks given. What remains is the actual talk. This blog post, the bound on whose maximum readership will not be above 5, is just ranting, venting and procrastinating. 

I have tried a different approach to the seminar this time. Narrative based. Starts with motivation, develops the machinery, and states some estimates without any proof (they are in the report though) and even lays out a roadmap for completing the proof of the Corona Theorem a la Wolfe.

 The meat of the talk that develops the Blasckhe products is the part I found most unsatisfactory. The theory is nothing much advanced, even Rudin and Convey have it (but I will swear they were absent when i was looking for them). The "big brain" proofs are the equivalence of Corona Problem nd Reduced Corona Problem as well as the two estimates, neither of which will I be proving. I can only hope to make "motivation" masaledar enough to suit the bland basic complex analysis I am serving.

The tension this time is unlike before. I might have said before that I was more worried about the presentation in R Sir's class. That turned out well. But I was worried about a last minute change and in aew of R Sir there. For today, I think my work itself is not worth anything. I am not afraid of $\epsilon$ or $\delta$, the problem is, I am not getting much after boring the committee with those. Also, I do think I am rather unprepared to deal with questions if someone asks me more regarding the Gelfand theory implications. 

I should not waste my time here and get back to those functions. I will just leave you with my thoughts, which Nana Patekar perfectly delivers:

Advanced PDE Seminar Advanced

I previously noted the tention regarding the internal assessment for the Advanced PDE course. Today it happened, and it was a job well done, and satisfying enough it was. What was supposed to be a 20 minute disaster became a 2 hour learning cum satisfying experience. 

As noted previously, once again it was Krantz who came to my rescue. And on top of that I even prepared notes. Yes, me, the one who needs a scribe to do rough calculations, wrote down notes myself. Full 12 pages of monstrosity it is. It was, for I need now to rewrite it and submit it to R sir. 

The entire talk was like an actual teaching experience with an argumentive, attentive, eager and open audience. It was unlike previous seminars which were an anxious perfomance to a largely don't-care audience with some troublesome elements sprinkled in between. It was teaching. Teaching like R Sir. Teaching as if the teacher cares if the subject. As do the audience. Board work, matters. Pace of writing, matters. Knowing what to erase, matters. Giving references, matters. Knowing which step is the key, matters. Teaching can be an art as well as a science. To quote Snape on Potions, it is a "subtle science and exact art". Well, it can be. We all know what it can be at its worst.

Chalo, talk done for this sem too pic.twitter.com/wyoKoaZyYq

— Aryan Kumar Prasad (@Aryan_AKP) May 2, 2025

I think it is probably one of the few times R Sir appeared to be almost happy with any student. I made a silly silly mistake regarding some domain, was caught and panicked. Instead of the usual R Sir we all love and fear, he took on the stage and worked it about on the spot with me. That he did. Unbelievable. Even consulted me about it. He has an heart, it's just not open to public. 

Anyway R Sir was satisfied with my work, I have no need to give another attempt or attend other's second and third attempts. All this modulo submission of giving the assignment next day that is.

सेमिनार से बड़ा सेमिनार, Advanced PDE की मार

 हर 6 महीने में सेमिनार देना होता है। 25 को फिर देना है, पहले भी बोले थे। कल उसका ही mock है। तीसरी बार देंगे इस बार तो उतना, यदि बंगालियों की भांति बोले तो, चाप नहीं आ रहा। अच्छा है। शायद आदत सी हो गई है अब। लोगों के सामने बोलने में शायद पांचवीं कक्षा से ही डर लगने लगा था। कारण अज्ञात है। अब ज़हर का नाम जान के क्या ही फायदा? नहीं फायदा तो है, Anti venom शायद सब का अलग होता है। थेरैपी का शायद ये ही फण्डा है। ज्ञान होना चाहिए ये सब का भी। 

लेकिन ये ज्ञान recommended श्रेणी में है, सेमिनार आवश्यक है। उसका मोटा मोटा आ ही गया है। उससे खराब दिक्कत तो लेकिन Advanced PDE में है। हाँ बहुत अच्छा विष्य है, वर्कशॉप भी जा रहे हैं। लेकिन जैसे उस वर्कशॉप की चिन्ता है वैसे ही अब course के लिए भी लग रहा है। 

अधिकांश तो आर सर के विष्य में अधिकतर मेरा काम चल जाता । उनका जीवन बुनियाद में ही समर्पित है । अच्छी बात है। गणित शब्दों या अंकों (Number Theory करने वालों भाइयों के लिए एक सावधानी) को इधर उधर करना और एक equation या वाक्य गढ़ देना नहीं है। क्लर्कगिरि नहीं है ये। रामानुज क्लर्क थे, लेकिन जब ये नौकरी मांगने गए तो Ramanujan: The Man and the Mathematician ( मेरी समीक्षा) में लिखा गया है कि उसने कहा लिया कि

 Ramaswamy Ayyar: It is too bad. If you become a clerk in any of these offices, your mathematical abilities will soon dis- appear. I do not want to sin that way.

अब उनपे देवी नामगिरि की असीम कृपा थी । लेकिन अय्यर साहब की बात हम आम लोगों पे वैध है । आर सर जैसे लोग हम शोधशास्त्रों को इस क्लर्कगिरि के जाल से बचाने में लगे हुए हैं। कई बार इसको इतना श्रेय मिलता नहीं, श्रेय दूर अपयश मिलता है। लेकिन ये सुकर्म है, आवश्यक है। हम 3 ही छात्र है इस विष्य में । तो internal के 13 अंक के लिए सब को एक एक सवाल present करने दिए हैं। अब सवाल सुन ही लें, Integration by parts on   ${H^1 ({\mathbb{R}_+}^2)}$ और Trace map के Image पे है। हमारी किताब में है दोनों। हम Kesavan की Topics in Functional Analysis and Applications ही पढ़ते हैं कक्षा में, इसमें ही 2.8.1 और 2.8.2 देना है। मुझे 2.8.2 का दूसरा भाग मिला। लेकिन इसमें त्रुटि है, और चोटी मोटी नहीं, पूरा का पूरा proof नष्ट कर देने वाली। बहुत ही basic गलती है, जिसका derivative ही नहीं उसे Schwartz कह रहा है। अब इतना ही गलत होगा ये थोड़ी कोई सोचेगा। हम भी सोचे नहीं थे । आज present करना था, उसके घंटे भर पहले जाने की क्या कांड कर रहा है किताब में। घबरा उठे । जल्दबाजी में  Strongly Elliptic Systems and Boundary Integral Equations में जवाब मिला । कक्षा की और जाते हुए ही पीडीएफ फाइल मिली। आज तो गए भईया। मेरा नंबर दूसरा था। लेकिन जब चालू की पांचाली (नाम बदला हुआ) तो बेचारी को 20 मिनिट जो मिले थे, उसमें तो कुछ नहीं हुआ। एक घंटे में भी कुछ हुआ नहीं। फिर पता नहीं किसकी महर थी, shayad मंगल है न आज, नॉनभेज त्यागने का फल है बंजारबली से, लेकिन R सर ने कहा कि तीसरा होगा। उसका तो चालू करने से पूर्ण एक बुनियादी सिद्धांत पे रोक दिया। दरअसल वो, मैं और किताब भी एक छोटी सो चीज़ को नज़रंदाज़ कर रहें थे। लेकिन सर से नहीं छिपता ये, कैसे छिपे? निठरता तो घोल पी गए हैं। आस रखे थे कि हम लोग भी अब तक कुछ चरणामृत की भांति पिए होंगे। नहीं लेकिन खड़े उठे आज तो। नहीं उठे। उनको न वाक्चातुर्य से मतलब है ना हि एकान्तप्रयास से। कई दफ़ा तो बाहर चले गए कहके कि तुम लोग आपस में बात चीत कर लो । अब परसों मेरा है। सेमिनार, जो 300 नंबर का है, उससे ज्यादा इसमें, 13 नम्बर का, से डर लग रहा है। लेकिन सच कहे तो इसमें सीख भी अधिक रहे है। अब चलो 2 दिन ईश्वरीय कृपया से मिला है तो अच्छा है। तो Krantz की Partial Differential Equations and Complex Analysis में भी छान बीन किए, और मिला। ये सबसे मंगनी किताब है मेरी, फेलो बार काम आई अभी। सही है। लेकिन इस आदमी का काम बहुत व्यापक है। मेरे से भी बहुत मिलता जुलता है। एक न एक बार इससे मिलना है। 

अगर PDE की किताबों की बात हो तो महाविद्यालय में बहुत सी पढ़ी । Partial Differential Equations with Fourier Series and Boundary Value Problems ( मेरी समीक्षा), सिंह-शर्मा की Partial Differential Equations for Engineers And Scientists, Sneddon की Elements of Partial Differential Equations ( तस्वीरों ), Amaranath की An Elementary Course In Partial Differential Equations ( मेरी समीक्षा),  लोकनाथ देबनाथ की  Linear Partial Differential Equations for Scientists and Engineers, Raisinghania ये सब तो भाई नहीं। Coleman की  An Introduction to Partial Differential Equations with MATLAB पे प्रतिक्रिया तो अच्छी लिखी थी, लेकिन कुछ याद नहीं आ रहा। छाप तो कोई नहीं है। और तब तो अपरिपाक्क था। फिर से देखना होगा, ही था क्या। डिस्ट्रीब्यूशन Theory से तो था नहीं, मतलब असली गणित के तौर पे तो निकम्मी ही है। अब खैर, हर किताब का एक पाठक होता है। इन सब का मैं न था। कोई न कोई होगा। अभी तो चिंतना मेरे इस सेमिनार को हे, और उसके बाद अलसी वाले सेमिनार की ।

मदन महीने वाला जाड़ा आया

 ठंड आ गई है फिर से । लोग अक्सर जाड़े को मौत वगैराह से जोड़ते हैं, लेकिन मेरे लिए ये ही मदन महीना है। असल बसंत का अनुभव तो मुझे रघुवीर सहाय की भांति ही होता है ये 

और यह कैलेंडर से मालूम था
अमुक दिन अमुक बार मदनमहीने की होवेगी पंचमी
दफ़्तर में छुट्टी थी-यह था प्रमाण
और कविताएँ पढ़ते रहने से यह पता था
कि दहर-दहर दहकेंगे कहीं ढाक के जंगल
आम बौर आवेंगे
रंग-रस-गंध से लदे-फँदे दूर के विदेश के
वे नंदन-वन होवेंगे यशस्वी
मधुमस्त पिक भौंर आदि अपना-अपना कृतित्व
अभ्यास करके दिखावेंगे

सच कहा जाए तो दिल्ली में तो सारे ही मौसम ऐसे निकल जाते। इधर ओड़िशा आके ही थोड़ा इन सब पर गौर फरमाया जा रहा है। महानगरों में ये कहां ही संभव हो पाता है। नहीं, तो नहीं ही सही। ये एहसास अन्दर कुछ जगा देता है, लेकिन जीवन तो दिल्ली बंगलौर का ही भला है। इससे याद आया दिसंबर में एक वर्कशॉप के आई बंगलौर जाना है, उधर से आके घर दिल्ली भी । Stochastic PDE विष्य है। Prerequisites का अभावअनुभव कर रहा हूं अभी से । पीछे पलक्कड़ गया था, तब पूरा अनुभव हुआ था उसका । लेकिन इधर रहे के न सीखने से अच्छा तो उधर रह के न सीखना है ना । कर्मण्येवाधिकारस्ते । 

अब ये तो हुआ इस साल का । लेकिन मेरे लिए सच ही मदन महीना है ये । घर से 2023 से निकलने लगा । उसी साल मेट्रो में लाजपत नगर में चढ़ने वाली रेखा–नयनी थी। 2024 में वो टोपोलोजी वाली। 2025 में अभी हफ्ता भर की ही बात है, तो नहीं लिखूंगा। "डीडी" (अंग्रेजी में DD लिखे तो अच्छा लेकिन हिन्दी में अटपटा लग रहा है, लेकिन अब क्या कर सकते हैं) इस बार का भी देख के जान ली है। वही है जो जानती है, उन तीनों को खुद नहीं पता कि मेरे मदन महीने को सार्थक करके के लिए ये हीं रतिदाईं हैं । प्यार हुआ लेकिन कभी इजहार नहीं हुआ । अब, बकौल  दुष्यंत कुमार के:

ख़ुदा नहीं न सही आदमी का ख़्वाब सही

कोई हसीन नज़ारा तो है नज़र के लिए

अगर ग़ज़ल से नीचे आए, और मुन्ना भाई एमबीबीएस के वाफ़िक बोले तो -  फिर क्या अगले दिन अपने मोहल्ले में ऐश्वर्या आई । 

लेकिन टपोरी नहीं है हम और न ही मेरी शून्यप्रेमकथा के ऊपर आज उपदेश देने आया हूं मैं। निष्कर्ष ये ही की ठंड मेरे अंदर कुछ जगा देती है। विद्यालय में कुछ बारहमासी परंपरा वाली कविताएं थीं, उसमें ठंड का कैसे वर्णन था याद नहीं, लेकिन most likely मेरे ये विपरीत ही होगा । ठंड से याद आती है हर Saturday मसालेदार खिचड़ी की, जमे हुए नारियल तेल की और भारी गरम मुलायम रज़ाई के अंदर सोने की । 6 ऋतुएं में से ये ही मेरी मनपसंद है हालांकि 6 नहीं, 3 ही मानता हूँ मैं –गर्मी, जाड़ा और मानसून। भाई मुझे तो ठंड ही भली। 

I - a straightener a la Collins

 I recently started Billy Collins' Horoscopes for the Dead. It has been on my TBR list since 2021! I don't remember why or what prompted it to be on the list. But should I be asked to hazard a guess, it would be my roughly semi-annual urge to appreciate, understand or at least read English poetry.

The Romantics and the Ballads are fine, but it’s free verse that I normally struggle with. Poetry by and large has been absent from my reading this year. I think the only one I read was वर्जिन: काव्य संग्रह, which, while Hindi was in Free Verse and more akin to the Modern English poetry rather than the Dinkars, Gupts and the other Rashtrakavis I hold in regard. Now that I look at Goodreads, the last poetry book before that was मधुशाला which I read in 2024. I started reading both these years ago but managed to finish them when I did only. But indeed Bachanji was a treat, to be savoured like expensive wine. 

भावुकता अंगूर लता से खींच कल्पना की हाला,

कवि साकी बनकर आया है भरकर कविता का प्याला,

कभी न कण-भर खाली होगा लाख पिएँ, दो लाख पिएँ!

पाठकगण हैं पीनेवाले, पुस्तक मेरी मधुशाला।

He is said to have written it before he started drinking. I may not have the "लोहू में है पचहत्तर प्रतिशत हाला" (seventy-five percent alcohol in my blood), still, I would use the "पाठकगण हैं पीनेवाले" (readers are the drinkers) as the basis to defend my right to employ the wine metaphor.

Anyway, the goal was to read more poetry. And so I am.

Billy Collins is the sort of poet I don't normally get. He writes like one speaks, no rhymes, no metre (or at least the one whose cadence is less noticeable). No heavy use of alterations. But this everyday speech flow and the poetry grounded in everyday life are what made it more palatable. After reading this, should one be disapointed at the lack of vakchautya, he will at least not be completely lacking in what happened. The hidden कवि कहना चाहता है कि may be not so hidden, but that's charming in its own way. This book is a bit soothing even when grief is a major theme.

Anyway, this is not supposed to be a prescription of what I like in poetry. I just happened to resonate with one of the poems. 'The Straightener', which can be read here (I myself am unclear of the legality of hosting a poem from a book in a personal blog as she did, but whatever).  

I love to organise my desk in my office. Some piles are arranged by thickness, but by width, and some by colour. The piles themselves are organized by utility. I just love to do it. No, I just love to complete this, to overcome the inertia is much hard. But once I start, its just peace. Once in a while, I will reorganise DD's desk too. It feels like Shramdaan, Karmdaan, Kaarseva. The peaceful feeling while organizing is there too when I do it for myself only. I remember during class 10 matrix exams making timetables and stuff meticulously. Tracking down every 15 minute chunk, with many chunks reserved for tracking itself!That were the days indeed. Anyway, back to the poem. 

Never tomahawk, lantern, and spyglass.
Always lantern, spyglass, tomahawk.

Yes indeed. Once decided, things are set in stone. I can be the greatest Lakir ka Fakir at times. I love self imposed rules. If I had some legal background, I could feature among the absurd anecdotes in Restart: The Last Chance for the Indian Economy (my GR review here). But actual babudom is torture to me. Foucaultian-poststructuralist-imposed-structural-violence should I refer to Akhil Gupta's Red Tape: Bureaucracy, Structural Violence, and Poverty in India (the book unirnoncally uses the terms, more can be read in my GR review here). The view is supported by the "I" in the poem too it seems:

And if I can avoid doing my taxes

Only if we all could do so, I am not an anarchist. I once read (and did a GR review of) von Mises' Bureaucracy. I agree a lot with him, self imposed rules are not the same as those imposed by the punitive backing of the state. I am currently reading The Bureaucratic Phenomenon which seems to diagree with this view of Mises, but I am yet to see his complete thesis and have just started it.  But at the very least i am no anarchists, I am for a strong state but at the same time hate the Babudom to its core. I don't know what I I am exactly, I feel a bit like the protagonist in English, August: An Indian Story. I feel like him in a lot many ways and I think I will pen down those thoughts once in a while. That I must do, but I must write a thousand other things. But this is somewhat more serious and personal than others. 

Sociology and fictional IAS babus aside. Back to the poem. The "I" in the poem too must feel the same tranquillity that the I do in real life. He too shirks social and legal obligation and prefers to straighten things out. The "I " has 

a note from a girl I was fond of.

As did I! It was a note saying we shall study Topology after we have lunch (separately). She planned things with me in writing! It was on my table for many months.  DD discovered it once and had a lot of fun teasing me. Good for her, I give her much pain, she can use this distraction. I have given over that girl now, but did the "I" in the poem ever express his feelings? Or perhaps he already did and it was reciprocated, and the note was a witness of that hence kept on the table as a trophy. Or maybe it was just an innocent note like in my case, kept as a reminder that he must act or perhaps a memoto. We will never know, but I hope the best for the "I" in the poem. He seems to be doing well. In fact:

Today, for example, I will devote my time
to lining up my shoes in the closet,
pair by pair in chronological order

and lining up my shirts on the rack by color
to put off having to tell you, dear,
what I really think and what I now am bound to do.

The rhythm of "tell you, dear ... what I now am bound to do" sounds so much better than it would have without the "dear." I don't know if there is a technical word for that, but perhaps it's not important. I can just enjoy it as it is. Maybe. The itch to know is too strong. Straighten, I must. But perhaps now. I will keep some things absolutely straightened out, and some will be the most convoluted. Like my thoughts, like this very post. I don't know perhaps it is that I can't tame my thoughts that I cut off artificial physical sacred zones that must be straightened out? Okay, no more pop self Freudian (?) diagnosis. Off (to straightening out my desk).