My Year in Books: 2025

 The twice teased Year in Books 2025 is finally here after a gap of a year. I will present it without further ado. 

48 was a good number of reads, I think, considering the whole PhD business and also that this blog has also picked up steam. Much better than 30 last year (also, since I did not write a Blog post, it's worse). I don’t think I am going back to the near-century of 2023, but that’s fine. I chose my life. Many decades later, I’ll get that century; for now, it’s the Corona Problem that has my attention.

I was thinking that 2.9 average rating meant it was a bad year for books, but it was a 2.8 in 2023! Both good and enjoyable years of reading. Guess I beat the whole "Bad is stronger than good" thing.

 अक्रोधेन जयेत् क्रोधम् असाधुं साधुना जयेत्. 

One thing that changed this year is that my little brother got into reading too. That, and the fact that I have DD. Two book buddies was not a thing I previously had. And it does help.

Anyway, the year started with a string of thrillers that DD lent me (read: forced me to read), because I once said I don't like thrillers much. Okay, I had restarted reading with them once, but they seemed to get repetitive and boring after some time. I think it was Suheldev & the Battle of Bahraich and The Vault of Vishnu which finally killed the genre for me. But still the year started with  How to Kill Your Family, A Good Girl's Guide to Murder, The Silent Patient and Verity. This, I think, is the Thriller-Girl on Bookstagram starter pack canon. I wouldn't know, since I am not on IG. But DD is, and she keeps sending me reels on WhatsApp. They sometimes feel so relatable that I think DD directs them. These books were different from the ones I had previously read. Much darker, more real, with more sass, with actual emotions rather than cardboard characters, and more adult than what a middle-schooler thinks “adult” is. Also, the female POV feels different. I think my previous exposure to it was limited to Pride and Prejudice (which I didn't like). I also like the aspect that MC may be an unreliable narrator. अन्यत्तृणमिव त्याज्यमप्युक्तं पद्मजन्मना indeed. I went ahead and got my own books in the genre. Lights Out and I Was a Teenage Slasher (whose review I xposted on this blog) didn't work, while I was hooked on Gone Girl. 

Speaking of reviews, I started xposting some GR reviews here. Sometimes they are not even reviews but just my musings, or a longer review than one n GR, field notes as I go on reading or even multipart deep dives like for Makers of Modern Dalit History. I think it was one of the posts that got me back to writing on the blog, the blog did pick up some steam before that, but it was the tuboboost in some ways. I have written more about this exponential growth in posts here. There is something calming about writing these posts, even if no one reads this, and writing on the books is one of the main goals I started the blog with. I really wish GR showed the number of reviews written rather than just the first and last one. 

Speaking of my brother, my parents are surprisingly more lenient with him. Well, there is a 10 year gap between up and the change in parenting style shows. I read library books secretly, and this one gets taken to the Pragati Maidan Book Fair. Just how the time changes. This anyway it nice for me. I can read his books when back in Faridabad. Read Percy Jackson this way, and I was disappointed. Harry Potter is the one true boy wizard for me. The Choosen One. Ditto for The Alchemist. Don't get the hype of either. Days at the Morisaki Bookshop, however, was a warm, cozy book that I really liked. Liked enough to gift him Days at the Torunka Café. I also did read, but it doesn't hold up to the first book.

Speaking of books I didn't write, I think it starts with Butter. There seems to be a Tsunami of warm, cozy Japanese novels in the Indian market. But book this, I don't like. Vector: A Surprising Story of Space, Time, and Mathematical Transformation (which I got in a Hardcover, thanks to the DAE contingency grant) was another bad book early in the year. वर्जिन is a free poetry collection I saw years ago on Google Books, I finally gave it a serious read this year, but still bad. Also, I should not have picked up Lords of Wrath as my introduction to Dark Romance. I have not picked another since. I tried That Night to find a good Indian written Thriller, but was disappointed too. The Fractal Murders was a good title on bad writing and a story. I think the 2.9 rating is starting to make sense now. 

Given my trade, there were obviously Maths textbooks. While a lot of Krantz's is good, Axler's MIRA stood out the most.  And the year ended finally with the warm yet depressing Dept. of Speculation.

Reading Goals 2026

1. 30 Books.
2. Complete Ambedkar's जात-पांत का विनाश.
3. 1 book in (not on) Sanskrit.
4. 4 books in Hindi.
   
5. 1 book in Urdu Script (which I will learn via this book).
6. 1 book by Savarkar.
7. 3 Books from the "Ideologically Opposite" Camp.
8. Read the History of the decline and fall of the Roman Empire Vol.- 1
9. 1 Indian Autobiography.
10. 1 book on some current policy debate.

Some of these are still uncompleted items from 2023, but the year is still young. We will meet again next time this year to take stock of this. 

ये नव वर्ष हमे स्वीकार नहीं

 ये नव वर्ष हमे स्वीकार नहीं
है अपना ये त्यौहार नहीं
है अपनी ये तो रीत नहीं
है अपना ये व्यवहार नहीं

राष्ट्रकवि दिनकर कि इन पंक्तियों से एक तरफ में सहमत हूं। आज नववर्ष है, कम से कम अंग्रेज़ी कैलेंडर में देखे तो, लेकिन कुछ अलग आ नहीं लग रहा। "उमंग नहीं"। कैसे होगी? 31 से नाईजर जाना था। कोहरे से फ़्लाइट कैंसिल हो गई। कोहरा तो है दरअसल। अब तत्काल में रेल से जा रहें हैं। 2 को पहुंचेंगे, देरी हो यदि, जोकि इस मौसम में होगी ही, तो शायद कल का पैसा भी गया। 3 दिन का गया। अब गया सो गया, क्या ही कर सकते हैं? पैसों को तो हाथों का मैल कहा गया है (हे भगवान, इस साल हाथ और मैले के देना) लेकिन समय तो अनमोल है ना? 3 दिन नष्ट। स्वाहा। सोचा था न्यू ईयर में कुछ नया प्लेन बनेगा, जीवन बदल देंगे। सही पटरी पर अब अपनी गाड़ी चाहेली। करने का तो 2 को भी कर सकते हैं, लेकिन Fresh Start Effect भी एक चीज़ है। केवल दिमाग का खेल है ये तो, ये मात्र ज्ञान है, श्रवण है। इससे तो काम चलता नहीं। शास्त्रों में कहा ही गया है–

आवृत्तिः असकृदुपदेशात्

और हमने मनन कहां किया? खैर, शायद 4 तारीख, साल का पहला सोमवार और नए सेमेस्टर का पहला दिन एक अच्छी Fresh Start बन सकता हो। 

नहीं कहूंगा कि न्यू ईयर से पूरी तरफ ताल्लुकात खत्म है मेरा। ये जो Wrapped जैसे data अलग अलग जगह आतें हैं उन्हें देखना बेहद पसंद है मुझे। संगीन का तो इधर भी साझा कर चुका हूँ, GR का आ गया लेकिन रेल में लिख न पाऊंगा। जाके एक और काम। लेकिन लिखना होगा। इस साल ने बहुत कुछ बदला है मुझमें। 

लेकिन खबरदार, जब में साल खाता हूँ तो मेरा मतलब 2025 से नहीं बल्कि एक साल के अंतराल से है। यदि कल फैसला हो की अब ये से सब 18 अगस्त को होगा, तो भी कोई एतराज़ नहीं होगा। साल साल होता है। ईसा मसीह के जन्म या सम्राट विक्रमादित्य की ताजपोशी से गिनने की आकाशवता मालूम नहीं होती मुझे। इधर मेरा राष्ट्रकवि से मतभेद दिखता है। दिनकर कि माने तो

तब चैत्र शुक्ल की प्रथम तिथि
नव वर्ष मनाया जायेगा

हालांकि दिनकर का अनुयाई हूँ मैं, किन्तु इधर न साथ दे सकूंगा। वहां रघुवीर सहाय की शरण में ही हूँ मैं। 

रेल में हिंजड़े आए अभी। 200 का पत्ता गया। नया साल बनाना है इन्हें भी। आमतौर पर तो 10 20 का मामला होता है। कंगाली में आटा गिला रे दादा। 

लेकिन सहाय का जो कहना था वो आज तो और भी aatik है। इंसान प्रगति के चक्कर से आउट ऑफ सिंक हो लगा है। तरक्की की ये कुर्बानी है। लेकिन मेरा निजी अनुभव में एक विरोधाभास है, प्रकृति के निकटतम में रांची अथवा जटनी मे नहीं बल्कि बैंगलुरु में पाता हूँ। और हां बैंगलुरु, बंगलौर नहीं, एक हफ्ते में विचार बदल गया मेरा। शायद प्रकृति का भी एक Laffer Curve है।

बात रही साल की तो, घंटा ही फ़रक न पड़े लेकिन जमाने का ऊसूल है तो, साल मुबारक!

2025 in Songs

I think the trend started with Spotify, but now everyone does it. We have "Your Music in 2025" based on just 11 months of the year. I don't know if this is the result of a declining attention span or overflow of "New Year's Season" in the Western conscience. Some make a good case that it's a business decision primarily. Either way, we must do what we must. Fortunately, GR have buckled the trend and will only release it after the new year hits its HQ, which is like an extra half a day for us in India. But still good. I wrote a post about after 2023, and it was my first post here. How the time flies, it's almost two years. As I mentioned then, NISER did change me a lot. Earlier, the only music for me was downloading and listening to Kavitas when my mother went out for shopping. Or well, game music such as my favourite from CK2's own band- Until the Day We Die. We didn't have a headphone culture at home ever before Corona. Corona did normalize it.

But my actual journey as a consumer of music started only at NISER. It accelerated when I started coming to my office 333 last winter. I also bought my tablet (not iPad, its a Lenovo and I have no regrets) and friendship with DD started. We would often just set up music on my tablet on my desk (about which I have obviously written a post) and then talk for hours, or sometimes she would just sit beside me, and we would study separately, with the silence broken only occasionally with either requesting a song or appreciating the old song the other had chosen. We did exchange a lot of tastes over the year. But as the soft mud, I took more than I gave back to the potter's wheel. Still, I managed to make plant  Jutti Meri, Sindoor Lal Chadavo and Are Babuni Ke Shahar Ke Lagal Ba Hawa in her mind on loop. 

This is mine for the year. I think most of the "UK artists" are Indian (mainly Punjabi) artists based in the UK rather than native English musicians. I think there are a lot of them. For the top artists, Taylor Swift is a gift to me by DD. I am almost a Swiftie now. They even made a list of the top 50 songs I heard, which can be accessed here. Since I have now been converted into the "songs one listens to tell a lot about the person" camp now, I think it would be a duty upon be to write a few lines on the top songs of the year for me.

The top song is Jutti Meri. Punjabi/Dogri bridal song where the bride playfully rejects going to in laws unleless the husband himself comes. The final stanza, "Thumak Thumak Jaani Aa Mahiye De Naal" always puts a smile on my face. Its kinda cute. Wedding music has its own charm. In our side of the country, it is tradition to abuse the Baraatis as the Baraat arrives. Even Sri Ram wasn't exempted. My mother used to tell me the old songs in our family for this purpose. That is the only real connection I share with Sadri/Gawari/Nagpuri. Sadly, the practice is dying out. 'Janakpur ki naaris' did not let down the practice, and I hope my future Saalis too preserve it. 

'London Boy' is perhaps the first English song I came to actually enjoy. I especially like the BBC Radio version. The song was stuck in my mind for quite some time. Once DD told me a banagli nursery rhyme as a joke, which of course sparked linguistic and philosophical debate about House vs Home. The song was supposed to help her case, but the line in question stuck with me deeply.

Next are two songs by Maithali Thakur, recently elected an MLA. I was her fan ever since I heard her and the brothers singing जुग जुग जियसु ललनवा . She seemed like a 16 year old grandmother. Her contribution to preserving our heritage is most respectable. But DD doesn't like her. Even less so after she got the BJP ticket. My political views are openly written. So Maithali Thakur is an early morning listen for me, before DD comes in.

Raat ke 2.5 baje is a fun song for me. Very carefree. Good to play in the background when one is playing 29 casually. Or just typing out the project report in LaTeX. 

Pataka Guddi is a similar one, but somehow a bit more touching to the heart. I have recently been discovering layers of meaning in the songs, such as the use of the word Jugni, and it makes everything even better. Also, I finally saw the final (DD being the Alia Bhatt fan managed to bully me into it) ,and it is good too. 

Sindoor Lal is my export to DD. It's now her go to pre exam stress song. Jay Ganpati Bappa! 

Thar Coast by Rapperiya Balam is a surprise entry. Rest all songs I will normally play myself before letting the algorithms take over.  Rapperiya Balam is brilliant, mind you. His nationalist and religious lyrics both work. As do the more typical Gangsta raps. But I can't even recall lyrics on Thar Coast. Weird. Weird. One more reason we need recaps and data. I would have never guessed it otherwise. Still somewhat weird. 

The next two are Bengali songs, courtesy DD. I, in fact, like a lot many Chandrbindu songs now and know like half the lyrics. Two years back, I only knew they called puris as luchis, a few lines of Ekla Chalo and "Ami Tumike bhalobahashi". Now I can recommend even some Bengalis some songs in their own tongue. My latest favourite is this folk song that DD played to tease me over the 'new girl'. but now I am enjoying the songs. What doesn't kill you... 


These recaps are explicitly about songs, but when one starts to brood over it, one recalls the silences, the laughs, the fights, the tears and everything that made the year as it was and made the person I am as one looks forward to 2026. 

A review of the Blog: with focus on the period Oct-Nov 2025

 

Should I count this, I would have written 29 posts, all but nine of those written in the last two months. So we have been picking up steam indeed. I have restarted writing my IRL diary too. One would think that these two would compete for attention and time, but they are in fact in synergy. Great! 

Should one read (I use one for I know that rarely anyone does read this blog, much less read multiple posts of this blog) my posts from these two months, they will notice not the absolute chaos but one thread of patterns too. Like the emergence of the earliest life forms in primordial sludge.

 It starts with a poem 'Is my room too full? ??'. I had yet another fight with my mother over her sending stuff. I think it is only with a position of privilege that I can think this is a problem. While space is an issue, I have never been able to put forward that I am a grown, independent man now and don't need to be taken care of. The Vatsalya is sometimes a bit suffocating, I know it may sound a chochla, but I still think it is important. I was also in a bad spell mentally at this time. I think that shows up in my Hindi poetry trilogy that ends with पूर्ण समर्पण- एक हुंकार दीवार के आर-पार, indeed, total surrender (and support, love and gaalis from DD) did help me recover, and I feel great now. Well,  it was Chhath and Diwali and the festive atmosphere too. What I jokingly call the Lauva Bhaat exodus is perhaps the best anti-depression retreat. One can't just be depressed in this atmosphere:

As Chhath ended, I tried to read a Horror book, I can't seem to get into the genre in books or games or even films - but it was bad. It was also the first GR review I xposted here. It think some of the longer reviews might feature here. But if the review if in much detail, say like the two part one on Makers of Modern Dalit History [Part 1] [Part2]. These are not full reviews, but were some of the thoughts that occurred to me while reding the book. Compare this to my actual GR review. And mind you, this is one of my longest GR reviews. This blog is more suitable a medium posting my thoughts, while GR is much worse for deep takes. Unless you are Sajith Sir, just look at these monsterosities of a review he posts on GR. That man is a legend, but I am not. Hence this blog. That noone I know reads this, or even know of it makes writing my honest thoughts much easier. In an ideal world I would be linking this in my short GR reviews, but thats not a step I am willing to take yet. One day. Not today or tomorrow though.  And as november was about to rise like the late winter sun, came I introduced the charector of R Sir to the blog. This would have sounded much less parody like if I ever had a single dedicated reader, but it is what it is. 

November is a series time and started with four book reviews, two of which were advanced mathematics related to my research, both came from GR though. Then came, what can be at best loosely, call mediation cum review cum musings on a Bill Collins poem.  This was followed by hot takes on Poker Face.  Winter for me is both the month of seriousness as well as that of love, and I had to make the case for later here. A keen reader (I have previously concluded absence of an even stronger statement- absence of any readers itself- rendering this sentance  vacuously true) would observe sprinkling of my academic lore and Easter eggs and worries in side these posts too, hence inferring my fomer designation of the season. 

Then as the month proceed, NISER atmosphere grew darker. It's the seminar and end semester exam season. Unlike the Cold in Jatani which is fleeing, coming and going in waves, this mental atmosphere is unwavering. It only grows darker till your seminar. After which it's too much of a relief, rendering you unable to do much for sometime. Which is one reason I am writing the post as of now rather than preparing for the Harmonic Analysis exam on 2nd of December. We were taught the subject in a totally non rigourous ways and the exams are rather like memorizing and then vomiting out the assignments. Totally unlike Advanced PDE course whose worry (and then triumph) promoted two whole posts here. Another two posts came from my seminar, which also went well. 

Well, that's it. A review of all the posts. Once I was in too much of must-write-something mood. In June 2024, I wrote two posts on consecutive days and that was it. I think we have came a long way from then (Yes I used the We for me and the non present readership), there is no pressure to write now. It comes naturally. I think the craft will sharpen itself soon enough. Hope the new month brings good stuff for the blog, but more importantly for the real life. This blog is some kind of a retreat, but the real world needs to go to the washing machine and take my clothes out. That I must now. 

Makers of Modern Dalit History: Further Thoughts (2/2)

 Earlier I wrote my initial thoughts on the book.  Earlier I had read only the Introduction and the chapter on the first maker Ayyankali. Now I have read about Babu Jagjivan Ram, Dakshyani Velayudjan, Gurram Jashuva, Guru Raidas, Sant Kabir, Kanshiram, President KR Narayanan, Sant Nandanar, Jhalkaribai, Jigendranath Mondal, Adikavi Valmiki, Ved Vyas. Who remains are Sant Janabai, Phule, Soyarbai, Saheed Udham Singh and Babasaheb. There is also a 20 page conclusion which I cheaters ahead and have already read. 

The initial impressions of being a non scholarly work is further cemented. I might have not even heard about many of them, but could not see the complete lack of any sort of negative feedbacks on the more recent political figures like Kanshiram and Narayanan. 

One will never get to know that this is the Kanshiram of मिले मुलायम कांशीराम, हवा उड़ गए जयश्री राम fame. It is not merely that Guru Prakash is not showcasing his pro-BJP bias he holds as a spokesperson of the party elsewhere, the thing is that even the most neutral observer will have to accept that this slogan is a defining moment for Kanshiram. Hiding this is not the truth, it is white washing (or Saffron coating as some of Kanshiram's most hardcore and fanatic followers may argue) of history. This does not benefit anyone. This does not suit anyone. This is just plain disrespectful to the reader. This is just, bad. Too many examples of this in the book, and that too from the limited ones I know. I am afraid what unknown unknowns are out there. I really wanted to learn of Babu Jagjivan Ram. He is indeed much undercredited, his caste was perhaps a big reason for that. Emergency (2025) (my review here) made him a cartoon villain. But the authors made him a saint. The truth is for no one it seems. The other most glaring omission is that when President Narayanan gave an award to Ang San Sui Kuu when the relationship with the Military Regime in Myanmar were excellent and it caused an diplomatic spat resulting in suspension of joint anti terror operations. One may argue (and in my view naievly, but still can't) that this is an example of his idealism, him being a working president and commitment to compassion all of which have been argued in the book but without any example to show us. Talk of don't show, tell. Or perhaps the fact that he had a Myanmari wife could have been mentioned as that may have influenced his actions. But, alas, the authors have no time for such critical thinking. As they don't have the same for editing or a second reading. There are still random bits and bots about completely unrelated things in many a biographies. And chronological order is still amiss. They love to randomly insert tangentially related Swami Vivekanand quotes (Theu have got the complete works and now must justify costs it seems). The only good is that they finally managed to cite Badri Narayan (in relation to Kanshiram). The choice of people is also very confusing. Why Ved Vyas or Valmiki are here, I have no idea. I have not read the chapter on Saheed Udham Singh but am prettty sure the being Dalit is not the main market of identity for him.

And then comes the conclusion. Oh boy. I should have started with the conclusion to see how bad the book actually is. It ends with a 4 point life lesson !!!! Clearly I can only take life lessons from a book only if the authors make a 4 point summary of such. There are also further some more biographies of contempt Dalit leaders. Here too, Bahin Mayawati is not to be found nut you can find Meira Kumar. The nepo daughter of Dy PM is clearly more inspiring than a nothing to CM Kumari Mayawati story. Perhaps the only part where I can feel that the political leaning may have affected it. Meira Kumar is a non factor, but Mayawati is a sleeping elephant. And if you aren't the Mahawat, don't let people like the elephant.

 Anyway I would not be doing a third party of the review here. Only a short non detail review on GR. It is just not worth the effort. 

Initial Thoughts on Makers of Modern Dalit History

 Many many years ago, I used to watch Caravaka Podcast religiously. Originally, during the pandemic and just afterwards. It was from here that I first came to know of Guru Prakash Paswan. He was a fresh voice in the Dalit discourse, BJP leader and dyed in Hindutva. Like something Badri Narayan talks about in his Fascinating Hindutva: Saffron Politics and Dalit Mobilisation (My GR Review here, the book should be read despite the low rating). It was from this podcast that I came to know of Guru Paswan's books, which I started yesterday. Only recently I have started to look into myself from a caste angle (which is OBC in some states, SC in some, but GEN is what I use on forms).

But the book doesn't really hold up as of now to my impression of the author (No offence to Ramabadran but I don't have much knowledge of or opinions about him and will sometimes use the author to refer to Guru Prakash only). And to be fair, I have just read the introduction and a small first chapter, my opinion may or may not change as I progress with the book. 

This book is no academic tome, sharp criticism or groundbreaking research and makes such explicit in the introduction itself. At the end of the day it is but to familiarise a general audience with these great figures. But still, the book is amassing citations on Google Scholar. I can only hope that the derived works' authors are aware of the book's scope and citing in keeping that in mind. But I have seen worse, and will expect such.

Before proceeding, I would justify why I should write a review (critque?) at this stage when I do plan to cpmplete the book. I think a GR review puts it best:

पुस्तक से परिचय कराते हुए लेखक ने एक लम्बी भूमिका तैयार की हुई है, जहाँ आपको पू:री पुस्तक का परिचय हो जाता है। यदि आप आगे न भी पढ़ें तब भी आप पुस्तक के बारे में ठीक ठीक जानकारी प्राप्त कर लेते हैं।

The 30+ page introduction is the longest and most important part of the book, dare I say, Bahujan of the Book. So lets get started. 

On page (viii), it clearly states that

we would like to state that profiles that the reader will find in the book are a combination of historical facts, stories that people have told about them over generations

So yeah, not an academic tract. Which, by itself, should be no problem. But then they go on and cite people like Suraj "Afro-dalitism" Yedge. No thank you. I prefer not to cut copy paste critical studies from halfway across the globe to study my own society. To be fair, some Subaltren Studies language has been adopted too. But given the political background of the author, I find the omission of  Badri Narayan intresting. The introduction tries to paint a broad painting as well as supplement it iwth data. But it didn't really gel well here. On the data front, the fact that during land the biggest, most glaring injustice to us have been that less than 0.5% of land redistributed agricultural land was given to SCSTs. In an land obsessed, non georgist society where agriculture is a mollycoddled tax free activity where the supposedly divine "Annadatas" (Only type of producers that the Nehruvian morality can tolerate) are showered upon my honest taxpayers' money, this means that this chunk of society prettty much lost on this part of the social welfare schemes. Combine this is what next to non existent land market, means that these misdeeds comitted 70 years ago can't be corrected now. This leads be to wonder if my own views on laws that restrict sales of land like those in Jharkhand needs updation? I am all for free market treating land as any other commodity, but quite evidently one side lacks market power here and a case for government intervention can be made. But that is another issue, and I don't know much about it at hand so let's drop that. 

The passages on Dalit litrature, expression and capaltilism where intresting and I did learn a lot from them, and had to add even more references to my TBR. Eleanor Zelliot is mentioned but thankfully the misconception that she was the first to do a PhD on Ambedkar is not repeated. I really disliked that the author couldn't decide if every Dalit is severely oppressed, fearful even to walk on the road (Knowing Guru Prakash, he himself is an exception to this rule and must be self aware of this fact) or an increasingly being accepted into the mainstream society. There is no need for hyperbole in the oppression olympics commentary when the reality itself will appear hyperbolic. This is just not done. You push away people like this. 

Finally moving to the first chapter. It's about Ayyankali from Kerala. Never heard of him, so yeah, great. Will actually learn something. But the writing is like of generic biography, there is no "voice". I needed to reread it to finally gasp that he was born in 1863, one can skip that line and willm never know what time period are we talking of. He is from the Pulayar castes, which were basically in a system of chattel slavery. They were porbabited from using "I" is conversation with so called forward castes. Casteism errors the very shelf of the depressed. They are made to belive they are less than human. This is not something I ever heard of. While there is a decent refrence section, I found the actual writing of the chapter amateurish and in need of editing. I double checked that it's a Penguin book and still can't belive noone flagged writing of the chapter. Events and even sentences are repeated in 2 or 3 paragraphs. Thrice is Ayyankali nominated to the Sree Moolam Popular Assembly (while its powers and structure are never even hinted at) for the first time across four paragraphs. And we never find out how he actually broke the shackles of slavery cum casteism. But there is all the time for quating Mandela and even a paragraph about  Y.B. Satyanarayana's memoir about casteism being present in India. What a shocker! And the author that the audacity to preface that with 

To understand the significance of his contribution, it is vital that one understands the circumstances under which Ayyankali fought for the rights of the oppressed. (Pg 3)

 This comes exactly a page after saying that status of the Pulayars were literally that of slaves. But yeah we need a vague sentance from a memoir set in Hyderabad about placement of houses to understand the circumstances. 

These things somehow diminished the seriousness that could have been there. Especially when the chapters are short, this one beging 6 and a half pages excepting the refences.

I will continue with the book, it is not a heavy read anyway but don't have much high expectations. But perhaps I am being more critical than I need to be, afterall this did lead to me writing this post, I am debating by priors on the caste based restriction on land sales as well the how-in-the-world-did-I-even-not-know of Pulayars' condition. Anyways, will read it. 

Also happy birthday to me I guess. 

Review: I Was a Teenage Slasher

I Was a Teenage Slasher by Stephen Graham Jones
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

Gave up around page 150. Did not expect supernatural events to be such a big part of the story, which was offputting. I liked the raw, rambling, digressing, diary style of writing, like the protagonist was trying to tell too many stories at once, his chaotic voice not being able to fit into the linear flow of narration, jumping topics time and space at will. The action (murder) sequences felt emoionless, one does not even register they witnessed a brutal end to a fictional life should one's attention waver a bit.

I would have read the book stripped of the slasher and supernatural elements, it would just have been an interesting memoir of a man facing a middle age crisis reminiscing about growing up in a small town in West Texas in 1989 (which the author feels the need to remind us at least 1989 times).

View all my reviews

If you call yourself an analyst, you have to play with mud

 

So I am taking this Advanced PDE course this semester, which, perhaps unexpectedly, has been the most fun and useful course. Well the fun part was not perhaps unexpected due to it being taken by R Sir. He is perhaps the best teacher I have ever had. He will go lengths to make things rigorous.  Evans' PDE may be such that it has a reputation that if " you want to follow on with a more rigorous one, you can't beat Evans" according to one fellow (or as R Sir would put it, Chap) on Stackexchange, but it is but the most unsatisfactory for him. But since, as per him, basically every PDE book is shamelessly copied from Evans, he does the heavy lifting himself and basically writes 500 pages of notes just to teach us. Fortunately he also taught us PDE and before it Real Analysis (or is it called Metric Spaces?) in the first semester. Add to this that he is basically like Sheldon in the clip below. 

I initially (the idea came to me during class) thought I would not write stuff about him here as it would anger him, but then I thought:

1. Nobody I know reads this.
2. Its very very funny.
3. Nobody at all reads this.

Edit: Initial thoughts win.

He has this British accent and looks somewhat British too. But is cent per cent Bengali and son of an IPS babu on top of that. But he does have a very classy way of speaking and drops many bangers in class that I duly note down.

No, nothing should convice you   - R Sir 9/9/25

Or one that highlights his attention to detail,

 This is very boring torture, but needs to be done. If I did not do this, it will be cheating.  - R Sir 4/9/25

 This was when talking about the translation of convolutions of distributions and Swaqrtz class functions (ignore the terms should they mean nothing, then mean nothing to a majority of people, you will need a much lower amount of maths knowledge to know stuff where I actually need you to know maths). 

In short, his classes are the best. Still sometimes advanced PDE can feel like a slog. Our primary textbook is  Kesavan's Topics in Functional Analysis and Applications (which, despite the name, is a PDE text, I mistakingly bought it earlier but now can use it) and many a lectures are just an endless seige of statements of theorems and lemmas and propositions interleaved with some small Red Cross supplies consisting of Sir's motivations behind those. But I like to get my hands dirty, bring out those $\epsilon$ and $ \delta$.  Then only can I feel my wounds from the statement heal. That only fortifies my mind. 

So we were discussing Trace Theorem (Theorem 2.8.1 in the 3rd edition) for some days and today we finally reduced it to a statement about the density of smooth functions with compact support in $L^p$. And even further we were down to provinf that if $u \in L^p (\mathbb{R}^N)$ then $$ \int_{ \vert x \vert > k} \vert u \vert^p \, dx \rightarrow 0 $$             

Now, being who I am, I just took the interval as an indicator function and it followed with a simple DCT argument which is standard. But how Sir saw it was illuminating. He saw the problem as tail of a series. Now I know this from the Good Kenrels, but this was even finally putting that motivation into words. And in class I thought "hmm, series convergence should have a DCT argumnet htne too". After all summation is but integration with the discrete measure on natural numbers. And voila it is indeed, it works, This is no great discovery, but Sir and I saw the problem thorugh diffrent lenses, and then I find of pullbacked my meathod into's his. Thats the beauty of maths.

To the every abest reader, I was initially going to write only about the theorem and it does sounded much more grand in my head at that time, but putting it into works makes it sound meh. But still you will find i intresting if you look deeper., Anyway life is what it is and I will just end with another of his quotes from today itself about this proof:

If you call yourshelf an analyst, you have to know this. If you go outsidem you need to play with mud. 

 

 

Lauva Bhaat Exodus

Every year everyone

Of us, embark on an happy exodus.

Train, bus, flight or run

"Can't come" isn't something to propose.

Sharda Sinha and the rest 

Fills our loneliness on the way.

Super dense crush load, but mood is best

Such in a train journey before the lauva bhaat day.

Angika, maithali, ahomiya or Gawari

Everyone must find solace in Bhojpuri

For its the Chhath, minds our free

Nothing divides, if you are a Hindu Purbi.

पूर्ण समर्पण- एक हुंकार दीवार के आर-पार

मैं थूक के चाट लूँगा,
ख़ुद को ही डाँट लूँगा
 नहीं ये कारावास सहनीय,
कभी नस अपनी काट लूँगा।

तू है गरल स्वामिनी,
बिजली, वज्रा, दामिनी
न तनिक भी विषहीन,
क्षमा देहि हो सुकामिनी।

तोड़ दें ये हम दीवारें,
आत्मा जो मेरी मारे
 जान-जहान यदि बचे तो
ही सम्मान की आरती उतारें।

कैसे अब से तुम तक भेजें
अंतिम पासा बड़ा सहेजे?
 ये संधि, नहीं, पूर्ण समर्पण
मेरे विचार, चित्त, कलेजे।

नहीं आसान होता इतना,
सोच कोई भी लेगा जितना
नियाज़ी ने किया, किया था ग़ौरी ने
लेकिन शर एक है, एक है दिमाग़ बित्तना।

यदि तुम चाकू भोंक देती,
या दूध में विष घोल लेती,
|या होता बस एक द्वंद्व
तो फिर मेरा कुआँ, मेरी खेती।

पर नहीं हुआ ऐसा कुछ निर्दय अशिष्टाचार
न लगे जय घोष, न भरे गए कोई हुंकार
आख़िर सच ही कह गए हैं हम लोगों के पुरखे
जहाँ काम आए सुई, उधर क्या करे तलवार।

हाँ, आज तुम्हारी जय है
तेरा प्रेम ही अजय है
तू बहन मेरी थी, है,
मैं अंधा, तू मेरा संजय है। 

दिवार के पार तकरार

कल तुमसे हमने कहा
ये दीवार काफ़ी बड़ी है
कील इसपे जो है
हम दोनों को ही गढ़ी हैं | 

नहीं, केवल मुझपे ही ये
आघात हुआ है, चोट पड़ी है
तुम अन्धे हो, बहरे हो
चीखें निकलीं मेरी हर घड़ी हैं |

ये कह कर हमें तुमने दप्पत दिया
कि हमको तो बस अपनी ही पड़ी है
हाँ, माना तुम  फ्लोरेन्स् नाइटिंगेल्
तू रात दिन मेरे घाव देख खड़ी है |

"लेकिन अपनी पीड़ा अपने तक रखो"
मेरे इस विचार से तू चिढ़ी है
"दोस्त नहीं मानता है तू भाई"
ये रट तुझे ही तो पड़ी है ।

मन दबा कर, हमने दबे विचार
आज़ाद किए, फिर भी तू लड़ी है
हम घुट घुट चुप-चाप मर जाते
तुझे क्या "speak up" की पड़ी है?

हमारे बीच एक काँच कि दिवार है

 हमारे बीच एक काँच कि दिवार है

मनोवैज्ञानिक एक ये चमत्कार है

तुम्हे दिखत सिलैटी धातु

मुझे साफ़ साफ़ आर पार है |

हमारे बीच एक काँच कि दिवार है

सौ सुर्यें सहित समस्त संसार है

उषा विना रष्मी रहित रक्त रसित

इधर केवल शुन्य अन्धकार हे |

हमारे बीच एक काँच कि दिवार है

माना हम देख सकते आर पार है

किन्तु फायदा क्या ? कहा है तुम्ने

अन्ध, अन्धा ,आँधरा हुम तो लाचार हे |

Is my room too full? ??

My room is full,
the floor is full, the shelves are full,
the bed, the boxes
everything is full.

It is but you who
is to blame, and is to be thanked too
for all the stuff
that makes an OCD cuckoo.

Every once in a while
(perhaps more frequently) you send stuff with a smile.
Thekua, Nimki, adrak
never caring for money nor miles.

Yet I can never find
in room, heart or mind
to thank you,  show some gratitude
to my support hind.

Did I grow too much?
I have no room for you and what you make for lunch?
Unexpectedly, unwillingly
I make it seems such. 

Film Review: Born a King (2021)

 So last month I watched Kesari Chapter 2: The Untold Story of Jallianwala Bagh (2025) with friends (after like a month of bad puns, likening it to my advisor) and it was great, minus it being like almost fully fictional. I liked the performance of Simon Paisley Day as General Dyer. So I went ahead and downloaded another of his films- Born a King (2021).

He plays a small but still kinda -ve role as some kind of secretary to Lord Curzon who favours Lawrence of Arabia (Fun coincidence, the actor playing him is named Laurence.) The film is based on the then Prince Faisal of the Emirate of Nejd. The third and somewhat neglected son gains some prominence after the death of his eldest brother. He, as a 14-year-old and second in line to the throne, is sent to London to negotiate. The film is mainly based on that maiden Saudi diplomatic tour. Overall, the film is great but I fear toes the official Saudi line. Blood and Oil: Mohammed bin Salman's Ruthless Quest for Global Power by Bradley Hope and Justin Scheck (I write a one quote review here) notes how MBS is using Cinema et al to change the image of Saudi worldwide. While at books, the other book on Saudi Arabia I read is Vision or Mirage: Saudi Arabia at the Crossroads by David Rundell extensively refers to Lawrence of Arabia in the subject material as well as in its bibliography. Now Lawrence is on team Hussein as the King of Arabia comes out somewhat anti Ibn Saud from this film and that needs to be factored out while reading Rundell's book. Simon Paisley Day (Kesari's General Dyer)'s character is I-forgot-this-name who works for Lord Curzon and seems to be on Lawrence of Arabia's side. He is the nemesis of Philby (I don't recall that name in either of the books but he seems important, ergo Cinema too is a medium of learning). Both Philby and Lawrence of Arabia turned out to be Arab versions of our own Naboobs, Philby even converting to Islam.  

Leading from Naboobs to our India, the phrase Divide and Rule seems to be not just a uniquely Indian anti-colonial line but also used a lot in the film. Some reference is made to the British trying to divide and rule the House of Saud, examples being between Prince Faisal and the advisor from Constantinople and inducing maltreatment of what is totally-not-a-slave-as-he-is-once-referred-to-as-a-brother by Faisal, an African. But in both cases, the division plays out to Faisal's favous, so its all good I suppose? Should have put more effort into showing this. But then Arabs are not victims of colonization in the same sense we are. Or in fact they are not liberated from its clutches in the sense we are. The Emris and Sultans they have are but equivalent to our class of collaborating "Princes". On this as well as the slave thing, but views are coloured by a recent viewing of Aadujeevitham (2024) (Nice Malayalam film, do watch). 

Anyway, nice film, should watch. 

Welcome back to no-longer-Home

 I am back at Faridabad for a little more than a week before I head to Palakkad for the AIS 'Topics in Complex Analysis in one and higher dimensions'. I was last home in December, so it's almost half a year. I arrive with a migraine, a cold and a fever, which I caught by spending Sunday all drenched up in rain, and also perhaps the less than regular spelling "schedule" I recently have been following. I was quickly and sternly nursed back to health by my mother.

Back here, I feel just a little bit out of place, the meal times have changed slightly, Papa has started taking BP and sleeping pills, the clock seems to have jumped walls, chargers are now placed a little bit here and there, the caladers are all new (well its 2025 now), neighbours have changed, the plants are different in the balacnoy. My rack was the first change, even when I came home just after 2 3 months of first leaving, it had been overtaken by my brother. Now, after two years, the rack over which I had the sole sovereignty feels so alien, so paraya.  I am getting a feeling of बहुत दिनों के बाद, but not in the sense Baba Nagarjun meant (or at least how the Key to NCERT's interpretation of it, ND Samrat is the best Key for Hindi by the way). 

I feel like a guest in a house I have lived in all but two of my conscious years,  needed to be guided about the switches and the routines of the house. My new "home" (at least as per the Election ID card address) feels like a temporary hotel, no, more like a wartime garrison in the enemy territory.   Our office 333 feels much more homely, but still not     As Taylor Swift said, "Home is where the Heart is, but that's not where mine lives"  (Great song btw, Anuska's recommendation and my gateway drug to being an almost Swiftie).  

In the end I think I am a Dhobi ka Kutta  now, just as Mummy said I will be when leaving for the first time.