दिवार के पार तकरार

कल तुमसे हमने कहा
ये दीवार काफ़ी बड़ी है
कील इसपे जो है
हम दोनों को ही गढ़ी हैं | 

नहीं, केवल मुझपे ही ये
आघात हुआ है, चोट पड़ी है
तुम अन्धे हो, बहरे हो
चीखें निकलीं मेरी हर घड़ी हैं |

ये कह कर हमें तुमने दप्पत दिया
कि हमको तो बस अपनी ही पड़ी है
हाँ, माना तुम  फ्लोरेन्स् नाइटिंगेल्
तू रात दिन मेरे घाव देख खड़ी है |

"लेकिन अपनी पीड़ा अपने तक रखो"
मेरे इस विचार से तू चिढ़ी है
"दोस्त नहीं मानता है तू भाई"
ये रट तुझे ही तो पड़ी है ।

मन दबा कर, हमने दबे विचार
आज़ाद किए, फिर भी तू लड़ी है
हम घुट घुट चुप-चाप मर जाते
तुझे क्या "speak up" की पड़ी है?

हमारे बीच एक काँच कि दिवार है

 हमारे बीच एक काँच कि दिवार है

मनोवैज्ञानिक एक ये चमत्कार है

तुम्हे दिखत सिलैटी धातु

मुझे साफ़ साफ़ आर पार है |

हमारे बीच एक काँच कि दिवार है

सौ सुर्यें सहित समस्त संसार है

उषा विना रष्मी रहित रक्त रसित

इधर केवल शुन्य अन्धकार हे |

हमारे बीच एक काँच कि दिवार है

माना हम देख सकते आर पार है

किन्तु फायदा क्या ? कहा है तुम्ने

अन्ध, अन्धा ,आँधरा हुम तो लाचार हे |

Is my room too full? ??

My room is full,
the floor is full, the shelves are full,
the bed, the boxes
everything is full.

It is but you who
is to blame, and is to be thanked too
for all the stuff
that makes an OCD cuckoo.

Every once in a while
(perhaps more frequently) you send stuff with a smile.
Thekua, Nimki, adrak
never caring for money nor miles.

Yet I can never find
in room, heart or mind
to thank you,  show some gratitude
to my support hind.

Did I grow too much?
I have no room for you and what you make for lunch?
Unexpectedly, unwillingly
I make it seems such. 

Film Review: Born a King (2021)

 So last month I watched Kesari Chapter 2: The Untold Story of Jallianwala Bagh (2025) with friends (after like a month of bad puns, likening it to my advisor) and it was great, minus it being like almost fully fictional. I liked the performance of Simon Paisley Day as General Dyer. So I went ahead and downloaded another of his films- Born a King (2021).

He plays a small but still kinda -ve role as some kind of secretary to Lord Curzon who favours Lawrence of Arabia (Fun coincidence, the actor playing him is named Laurence.) The film is based on the then Prince Faisal of the Emirate of Nejd. The third and somewhat neglected son gains some prominence after the death of his eldest brother. He, as a 14-year-old and second in line to the throne, is sent to London to negotiate. The film is mainly based on that maiden Saudi diplomatic tour. Overall, the film is great but I fear toes the official Saudi line. Blood and Oil: Mohammed bin Salman's Ruthless Quest for Global Power by Bradley Hope and Justin Scheck (I write a one quote review here) notes how MBS is using Cinema et al to change the image of Saudi worldwide. While at books, the other book on Saudi Arabia I read is Vision or Mirage: Saudi Arabia at the Crossroads by David Rundell extensively refers to Lawrence of Arabia in the subject material as well as in its bibliography. Now Lawrence is on team Hussein as the King of Arabia comes out somewhat anti Ibn Saud from this film and that needs to be factored out while reading Rundell's book. Simon Paisley Day (Kesari's General Dyer)'s character is I-forgot-this-name who works for Lord Curzon and seems to be on Lawrence of Arabia's side. He is the nemesis of Philby (I don't recall that name in either of the books but he seems important, ergo Cinema too is a medium of learning). Both Philby and Lawrence of Arabia turned out to be Arab versions of our own Naboobs, Philby even converting to Islam.  

Leading from Naboobs to our India, the phrase Divide and Rule seems to be not just a uniquely Indian anti-colonial line but also used a lot in the film. Some reference is made to the British trying to divide and rule the House of Saud, examples being between Prince Faisal and the advisor from Constantinople and inducing maltreatment of what is totally-not-a-slave-as-he-is-once-referred-to-as-a-brother by Faisal, an African. But in both cases, the division plays out to Faisal's favous, so its all good I suppose? Should have put more effort into showing this. But then Arabs are not victims of colonization in the same sense we are. Or in fact they are not liberated from its clutches in the sense we are. The Emris and Sultans they have are but equivalent to our class of collaborating "Princes". On this as well as the slave thing, but views are coloured by a recent viewing of Aadujeevitham (2024) (Nice Malayalam film, do watch). 

Anyway, nice film, should watch. 

Welcome back to no-longer-Home

 I am back at Faridabad for a little more than a week before I head to Palakkad for the AIS 'Topics in Complex Analysis in one and higher dimensions'. I was last home in December, so it's almost half a year. I arrive with a migraine, a cold and a fever, which I caught by spending Sunday all drenched up in rain, and also perhaps the less than regular spelling "schedule" I recently have been following. I was quickly and sternly nursed back to health by my mother.

Back here, I feel just a little bit out of place, the meal times have changed slightly, Papa has started taking BP and sleeping pills, the clock seems to have jumped walls, chargers are now placed a little bit here and there, the caladers are all new (well its 2025 now), neighbours have changed, the plants are different in the balacnoy. My rack was the first change, even when I came home just after 2 3 months of first leaving, it had been overtaken by my brother. Now, after two years, the rack over which I had the sole sovereignty feels so alien, so paraya.  I am getting a feeling of बहुत दिनों के बाद, but not in the sense Baba Nagarjun meant (or at least how the Key to NCERT's interpretation of it, ND Samrat is the best Key for Hindi by the way). 

I feel like a guest in a house I have lived in all but two of my conscious years,  needed to be guided about the switches and the routines of the house. My new "home" (at least as per the Election ID card address) feels like a temporary hotel, no, more like a wartime garrison in the enemy territory.   Our office 333 feels much more homely, but still not     As Taylor Swift said, "Home is where the Heart is, but that's not where mine lives"  (Great song btw, Anuska's recommendation and my gateway drug to being an almost Swiftie).  

In the end I think I am a Dhobi ka Kutta  now, just as Mummy said I will be when leaving for the first time.