So apparently we won the T20 world cup, not that I care about it much but people in real life and online won't let me have blissful ignorance. I did see some news of early outs in the lower banner yesterday and thought that once again we are losing, but somehow we did win.
Now, by Twitter timeline is 70% cricket! And I am the man unaware of the match till the toss itself. Not knowing and watching about seems to be some kind of Taboo. Look, my only connection with cricket is that I am from Ranchi so is Dhoni. (Not if my friend on Reddit is to be believed:
Have you guys ever seen someone from Jharkhand? Have you ever been to Jharkhand or know a person who has been to Jharkhand? Yeah, I didn't think so.
Jharkhand is a conspiracy created by cricketer M.S Dhoni in order to hide the fact that he is a Pakistani. He saw the state of Pakistani cricket and really wanted to play in the IPL, but could not because he was from Pakistan. So at the age of 17 his parents smuggled him inside a carton of heroin attached to a drone flying over the border. He was dropped in Uttar Pradesh where he met his friend Shoab Malik, Sania Mirza's husband who he married for whatever the Indian equivalent of a green card is. Shoab Malik dropped him off at the cricket ground where recruitment was happening without realising that Dhoni was high due to smelling the Heroin fumes.
Dhoni when reporting to the recruiters was asked where he was from and his brain panicked. His hands started sweating and his legs started feeling weak because he had forgotten his cover story, which was that he is a guy called Sachin Tendulkar from Maharashtra. On the spot he managed to make up a story about his life and told the recruiters that he was from Jharkhand. The recruiters, who were from South India, thought that it must just be another one of those North Indian states and thought it was normal. He played well and with the help of the rat controlling him under his cap (the rat was the spirit of Kapil Dev, who died earlier and is currently a clone, that is a different story I will tell later) won easily and got selected. However he felt bad that he was unable to use his Sachin Tendulkar cover and gave it to his Bangladeshi friend, who also joined him in a career of professional cricket.
And that is the story of Jharkhand. Don't belive me? Tell me another thing from Jharkhand. Can only think of Dhoni? Yeah, I though so. Don't let the deep state lie to you anymore. Jharkhand is fake, it's simply not real.
source: https://www.reddit.com/r/DesiCopypasta/comments/rqglsx/jharkhand_doesnt_exist
) And so I am seen as a CSK fan. Not just seen as, I am low-key forced into being one:
डरअसल जो हम है हि नहीं, आप वैसे हि देखें जा रहें हैं
अगर जाम-ए-माया संभलति नहीं , टो क्यों चढाऐं जा रहें हैं
I don't mind the friendly banter, rather I enjoyed it and even felt a bit down when CSK was out, but still, it makes no sense that I need to know about cricket. This is no isolated incident but a systematic feature of the country, according to Pew, a majority of the country feels one must support (and I assume know) the Indian cricket team to be considered an Indian. This is not a serious country dammit.
Anyway, the old age saying that India runs on cricket, Bollywood and politics is still true- and I am clean-bowled on two of these!
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